Monday, April 23, 2018

The Hamster Wheel

Or - running like hell to stay still...
Okay, we made it through the first week of a doctor or dialysis every day. So far, all the new heart tests are showing marked improvement according to the techs, but Thursday we see the cardio Dr. so he can make it official. So much for Drs and "it can't get better only worse" B.S. We truly are getting so much better medical care here for him - and that was my #1 priority. 
This week is more of the same - doctors, dialysis and I hope tomorrow to get some food help. Every other spare minute is spent at the Turk trying to make enough to feed us. His family was good enough to help out a little last week. 
Oddly enough in the midst of all this I've found a few quiet minutes to spend editing and rewriting on the Serendipity story. I originally thought I would expand it, but it seems quite comfortable with itself at 30K words. OTH I'm only now getting into the last bit and as I recall I rushed it a little to make room for Nano last year and that was where I felt it needed expanding. I hope I can get it on Kindle maybe even this weekend.  
I keep one of the sex books up for free all the time, and that (I think) drives some sales of the other sex books. I really do nothing and they putter along making me $5 a month or so. Well, this week I put the I Am Pagan book up for free - expecting to have to add a sex book - and I Am Pagan has been puttering along surprisingly well. We'll see if it sells any of the books under my name! Paganism and Sex. HHHH  
It does remind me I want to do videos discussing Paganism and related subjects. I need to get a mike so I don't have to shout at this computer. It's also constantly noisy here, and when I am home I often have next to no Internet. We have to get moved next month somehow, so maybe I'll have a better situation for making vids. 
Still taking a photo a day. Still trying to decide how I'm going to keep and share them :P 

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Still alive

(cross-posted from my Patreon page)
Yes, I'm still alive. We went to refill one of hubbys prescriptions - his heart meds - and the new insurance company (that we specifically chose because they said on the Medicare site they covered all his drugs) refused it. This turned into a marathon with a new heart doctor. He's a great guy, but of course, he wants a baseline for his new patient and Medicare apparently will not pay for a doctors visit and a test on the same day, or any two tests on the same day, so we are going to dialysis, to the heart doctors office, to dialysis, to the heart doctor, to dialysis for the next two weeks. Because, hey, we're retired and have nothing better to do with our time.
I've also suffered some sort of relapse in that my back and hips are very painful again - although I'm still walking. Just no more than I have to.
On top of which finances are a little tight. As in choosing whether to buy food or fill prescriptions tight. Normally I could make up all or some of this with earnings from the Mechanical Turk but of course, four to eight hours per day go into riding the bus and sitting at the doctors office. So, clearly this is a good time for our Internet service to drop down to nearly nothing which makes it impossible for me to work from home. I have to get on the bus again and go somewhere I can glom some decent speed free wifi. I knew it was going to be tough this month, but I had hoped I could maybe do some day labor or something. With these doctor appointments, that's not possible.
It's just a difficult month.
It's the Universe testing our resolve before it lets us into the new trailer/RV park and instantly the majority of our financial issues will melt away. Not to mention I won't have quite so many mornings like this when the homeless person holed up in front of our apartment starts to bang and crash things around at 4 a.m. It's cold and windy out and I'm really feeling sorry for anyone sleeping outside. I can't begrudge them the minimal shelter they get from the building here. I also can't sleep while they are banging around right outside my window. I hope they haven't pried anything else off Firefly. I wish I could invite them all to sleep inside her safe and sound, but I can't control people stealing, damaging, or simply using the toilet (I wouldn't blame them - but she isn't hooked up so...eww).
It may seem pretty minimal, but I am taking a photo a day. I haven't decided how I'm going to save/share them but yeah, I am doing a photo a day. After all, I'm in Las Vegas Baby! There is always something interesting going on! I'm really excited about next month. Especially if we can get into the trailer park - there is going to be a big Pagan thing for Beltane at the First Friday Festival, and then the 5th there is a big INDIAN food and culture festival. Hopefully we'll be moved and I can spare $20-$50 bucks for those two super fun things!
We will survive. And at least we are not sleeping out there in the cold and wind.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Slowly, Step by Step Forward

I have developed a real aversion to learning new software. No, really, this is PTSD territory.
Here is how it's going. I set aside time to work on my very first visual novel. I am going to decide on a story. I'd like to do something quick and short more as practice than try to get into something 50K words. I start going through all the manuscript stashes here and there. I get overwhelmed. Literally end up in bed with a book.
I get up the next day and say fine, I'll do SpazKat. Maybe I'll release it a few chapters at a time. I rewrite the first chapter into more of a script for a visual novel treatment.
A few days later, I sit down to draw for the novel. I sketch the first background, deciding to embed the first two human characters into it. So I go to Daz3D to build the two characters, as I have convinced myself that would be the way to go. Create them, then be able to pose them as I need them. I end up in bed with a book.
Next time I sit down, I go find stock photos for those two characters. I'm going to draw them over and over in PSP9 because - I can do that.
I'm leaving out the stomach aches, headaches, muffled screaming, hair pulling, and eating binges.
But I am making a little bit of progress in that direction.
Meanwhile, to add to my woe we have made the painful and difficult decision to sell Firefly. First of all, in this apartment our basic needs budget is $200 over our income - thanks to losing all the State benefits. There are cheaper apartments but we will have to come up with a deposit and money for credit checks. I've been scraping us by between my little Turk and Amazon incomes, and rotating which bills get paid :P and the help of dear friends. Many of the cheaper apartments have NO parking - or no parking for Firefly. If I put her in storage it will be $60 - $100 a month, although I will be able to drop insurance. Next month her tags are due - meaning I either have to get her through the Smog test, and the Nevada inspection (and how's our luck going on that?), pay tags, and the insurance is going up substantially (I saw that coming). I mentioned the budget is already $200 a month short?
This sets off sheer terror in my heart. Without Firefly, I could become one of those sad souls wandering up and down the alley - worse, James could become one with me. But as it is, I'm not sure she could make it out of town let alone out of the State. She needs work - it's minor, but we cannot afford it. And there simply is no RV park or other place that we can park her and live in her in Las Vegas in her current condition, and at her age.
I am one lucky woman. For three years (her gotcha day was April 1st!) I lived my dream life.
True, for the last year I mostly held onto it by the skin of my teeth - and the dream never included having to pray for 4 hours 3 days a week that the fuck ups at the dialysis clinic didn't kill my husband today.
This is a new life, in a new place, and with his dialysis now settled and a wonderful doctor and circle of healers gradually growing around us, it is time for me to face the facts and release the dream - so I can build a new one.
But it's still going to be emotionally rocky for me, no getting around it.
I may be spending a lot of time curled up on the bed with a book.

Thank you to all the wonderful, dear, kind, friends who have been helping us now and in the past. We'd never make it without you and you cannot imagine how much I appreciate you. I know at least you are going to move forward into this new dream with us :D

Living on the down low

If you are one of the few brave souls who have been with me for lo these many years of blogging and writing and webpage designing, wow, I l...