Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.
Or as I call it - telling lies on me. This is a form of abuse that can be used by a narcisstic individual - or by a company or organization.
In this case, Fresenius Medical Clinic #4670 in Las Cruces, NM has now done this to us twice.
They changed his appointment time. They did not inform us of that change. Because we are consistently EARLY for his appointments - we are actually "on time" for the "new time" which is moved up by twenty minutes or so. Thus it is weeks before we discover we are "always late" - by then they can say "oh, you are ALWAYS LATE." and it is OUR fault (according to them).
Then one day we come "on time" (we think) and are told we are LATE. This is the first time we are ever informed that our appointment time has been changed. We are told we are 'ALWAYS LATE' when in fact, our appointment time was moved forward by twenty or thirty minutes - and apparently because we are actually always early, we are not informed for several weeks.
In fact, we still were not informed except that I ask for the print out from the dialysis machine - and it was noted in his records that he was LATE and thus the treatment time was "adjusted" (CUT down from his prescribed time). We were not told this information at any time. We would have never known he was "always late" if we did not get the print out and read the technicians notes.
When I called today and asked for his actual appointment time, I got an argument, and then they finally checked the "master list" and gave me the new time. They insisted this was his "usual time" - so at some point in time in the last two months his appointment was moved up from 3:20 pm to 2:50 pm AND WE WERE NEVER INFORMED OF THIS CHANGE.
This is the second time this clinic has moved our appointment time, and not informed us of it. Then blamed us for being "late".
The first time they moved our appointment for dialysis forward by twenty minutes, and did not tell us - when we were finally "late" a tech stepped out and yelled at me in front of a room full of people about how I "always bring him late" and it is all my fault his treatment is cut short because we are "always late".
If you change the appointment time, and do not tell either the patient or the caretaker for WEEKS then, big surprise, they are liable to be late for the appointment time they are NOT AWARE OF.
And then the clinic shrugs, says, patients are always late or skipping treatment and that's why they are sick. It is the patients fault or the caretakers fault they are late all the time. It certainly could not be the clinics fault for changing appointment times without telling the patient or their caretakers the new appointment time. I guess we are supposed to somehow have ESP and know they have changed the time.
We are not alone. I see this constantly. People waiting for hours - because they arrived for what they thought was their appointment time - then were told it was two hours later, or two hours earlier, and they are late, or early. Whatever. It is always the patient's fault. And then the patient is labeled uncooperative. See the previous blog post for what happens after you are labeled.
When I complained to the ESRD Network, I did get a very quiet and private apology from the clinic manager for "forgetting" to tell us, for several weeks, that our appointment time had been moved up. I never received any acknowledgement or apology for the very public screaming at me for "always bringing him late" and the clinic manager expressed amazement that I wanted such. I was screamed at and humiliated in public, and apologized to very quietly in private. But I am in the wrong to want a public apology.
This is simply part of this hemodialysis clinic culture that it is ALWAYS the patients fault, or ALWAYS the caretakers fault. NEVER the clinic's fault.
If the clinic changes his appointment time, but does not inform us of the change - how are we supposed to know? Are we supposed to have ESP? Are we supposed to call on a daily basis, to be updated on his appointment time? (Please note I called today to check on his appointment time and was told "the usual, we'll let you know if we change it". When I insisted, they checked, and indeed, the appointment time had been moved. I had to INSIST to be told the correct time for the appointment and then they were rude about it.)
If we are not informed of appointment time changes by the clinic - how can they blame us for being early or late for an appointment?
Yet, they do.
Is there any other business on earth that runs like this?