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Sunday, June 18, 2017

I have successfully convinced myself I will never publish again

I really screwed up this time.  I thought I was doing what was right, but as usual, it was the worst thing I could ever have done.

Once upon a time I was happily writing away with tons of ideas and scenes and characters I couldn't wait to visit.  I had good reviews, ugly reviews, and on a good month I sold three whole books!!!!!  Golly.  A person could make money at this - and enjoy it!

And that is when I fucked up royally.  I started reading all about how to promote my books, sell books, and from there into how to write books that would sell, then how to write books.  How to mash whatever story was in your crazed imagination into a genre that readers would recognize and buy, buy, buy.  How to force your free form story into a rigid structure that would sell, sell, sell because readers are clearly so stupid they have to be spoon fed carefully in a certain order exactly what they expect.  What, are you all autistic or something? 

I read all about how to write a blog and post comments and mention articles about the subject you write about if you write non-fiction.  Since my only non-fiction is about dialysis, and I read more of the latest up-to-date information on dialysis than any nephrologist or dialysis nurse I've ever met, I figured I could do that. I am forever telling them about new research or a new drug that they never heard of and don't give a shit about because it isn't on their companies syllabary anyway. Why not inflict that on all three of my blog readers, too? Yeah! Maybe I could do something good in the world. (And then I learned that peritoneal dialysis likely was the base cause of hubby almost dying last year. They could have stepped in earlier and prevented it getting that far - but where's the profit in that? So I've lost the faith, so to speak, in that methodology and am now questioning if I want to promote it.)

But sadly, the world of the Internet has changed and since I am not writing at the Huffington Post or The Info Wars, who gives a fuck? You couldn't find a blog post of mine if you searched with the post title, the blog title, and my exact name.  We are all freaked out that the corporations are going to take away the Internet freedom?  Wake up people, it's a done deal.

Oh yeah, I forget.  I should have a mailing list of millions so I can beat the hell out of their inbox every single fucking day with inane shit and buy, buy, buy my book and thanks if you did, forward this to your friends and give me their email, too, so I can beat on them until they buy.

I read extensively.  Fiction, non-fiction, everything I can get my hands on. I've read so many "Indie" Kindle books that are backed by some "let us publish and promote your book" company who probably charged the author thousands while propping up their ego and not mentioning that the book was AWFUL. Barely literate.  Read like they were written by a four year old. Whose first language was not English. But I guess they did follow the plot structure laid out by blahblahblah in their book madomadmado.

But they had 1000 5 star reviews, were featured in every single newsletter and on Facebook, and on Twitter, and every place else they could shove it up your nose. Gushy reviews from paid reviewers on book websites. While Amazon is removing reviews a real indie author without a big budget might have gotten by giving a copy of their book away. (By the way, I never got any of those anyway - I could never figure out how to give a book away unless I bought a copy and I cannot afford it)

The days of simply writing a good book and hoping someone reads it are gone.  I figured out the other day that my chances of one of my good novels being discovered is approximately the same as purchasing a lottery ticket and winning the MegaMillions.  Actually, I may have a better chance at the MegaMillions jackpot.  Especially since I took down all my really good novels, because none of them fit the mold and I had to choose a BRAND and then I could only write one kind of book for that BRAND and would have to create an entire extra persona for each type of book I might write because apparently readers are too stupid to deal with the idea that someone might write a mystery AND a literary novel  AND sex AND childrens books AND Non-fiction. Because you know, writers are too stupid to have knowledge of more than one subject and more than one step by step book formula.

And it would be just as random as winning the lottery. I mean, some of the GARBAGE I've read that had a bazillion stars and gushy reviews.  Well, I take that back, I don't really read past the first few pages anymore. So many books, so little time. And I still want to read through all of Dean Koontz back catalogue.  Now that man can WRITE.

Anyway, it's very clear to me that quality of writing, a good story, has little or nothing whatsoever to do with landing on the best seller lists, or recommended titles, or whatever. I used to think that in the end the readership would thin out the herd of wannabe Indie writers. But I've come to see that "readers" like "voters" are sheeple led by the corporate overlords, without ever seeing the puppet strings that lead to their facebook page or inbox and what ads they see or do not see. So rather than the good writers eventually rising to the top, the flood has only elevated the flotsam and jetsam of the debris to the surface while threatening to drown the reader with sheer volume. No wonder people just read whatever Amazon is advertising that day.

Every single person who is teaching you how to write says you have to write every single day. Two hundred words, one thousand words, an hour, eight hours, and you have to crank out book after book in boilerplate style, each one exactly like the others with only the character names changed because otherwise you confuse your readers.  Because readers are so stupid, I guess. And because the way to get rich is to have a huge back list of identical books to read.  Preferably in a series.

Now I've never written every day.  I'm more of a binge writer.  I get a great idea and I cannot let it go until it is all down on the page.  I can write 10,000 words in a day and not write for a month, then write 10 or 20 or 30K more.

But conventional wisdom is every single day.  Two hundred a day. Like a hammer pounding a nail into my coffin. For the first time in my life, I had writers block.  In 55 years I have never not had a million ideas swirling around struggling to pour out of my head. But now they all stand back, no one willing to jump off that cliff and bounce all the way down the jagged rocks of self-criticism and doubt, so they can land at the correct slot at the bottom or be twisted and turned and mauled until they fit.

I literally rolled a dice to pick a WIP - one of many.  Then I sat down and did background, world building, character sheets, and even a pantser friendly plot.  I've written 3000 words of the most boring, depressing, uninteresting crap I have ever written in my life. It's horrible.  I hate it.  I cannot face trying to fix it or go on with it.  This was a story that was once over 30K only halfway done that I loved and couldn't get enough of.  If it was on paper I'd burn it now.

If I could bring myself to publish it, I guess it would sell?

I have successfully learned to be so severely self critical I can no longer write at all. I am miserable. I am slipping rapidly into depression and PTSD flashbacks about how worthless I am.  How weird I am.  How different I am.  How much everyone in the world detests and hates me because I am different. Given our current political climate where different means you should be beaten to death by the police as the crowd cheers - well, it doesn't help any. And I seem to have moved to a place where most of the people around me think I am SO WEIRD and worse, a mean, horrible interfering bitch who actually expects people to DO THEIR FUCKING JOB CORRECTLY - which apparently is not politically correct nowadays.

No, I am not suicidal.  Please don't write me about how BAD I mad YOU FEEL because you couldn't HELP me by calling the authorities and turning me in as suicidal! How dare I post something that made you think I was so miserable.  Oh, yeah, and you who sent me that message.  Go fuck yourself. I never once mentioned suicide. What, people cannot be unhappy in your sparkly little world?  After all, there's a pill for that! So sorry!

So.  I'm done. No more self promotion.  No more sharing hopeful and true stories about dialysis since the establishment wants you to think it is a life of misery and wallowing in self pity, until the miracle kidney transplant turns the world into rainbows and unicorns. I will not follow that party line - because is it a dead ass lie and like many lies in the medical world, meant only to enrich doctors, hospitals, and drug companies while causing more misery and suffering than they alleviate.

And I can't write fiction.  At least not right now. And if I did write anything, I sure as fuck would not publish it.  Under any name.  Because it won't follow the party line on fiction and genre either, and I can't pay a shit load of money to someone to "help" me promote it, only to still make the same pennies a month.  I really cannot waste any money at this point in my life on dead end, pointless shit. And I really don't know if I want to waste any time on anything that isn't ever going to make me any money that is so much effort for no return.

I can't even write porn.  I've read that "erotic romance" stuff and it turns my stomach.  It is so badly written that even the sex scenes are painful for someone who has actually HAD sex a few times - with other people even. And the reviews of my work is *gasp* it's so...so...BLUNT. Yes, dear, a dick, is a cock, is a penis - not his staff of light or his magic wand and your's is a vagina, pussy, or cunt, but certainly not your "lady parts" going all "tingly" at the sight of his six pack abs. (Turns and vomits into a pan) And my characters actually LIKE sex, so they don't have to pretend they fell madly in love and knew he was their one and only the moment they laid eyes on him so that it is okay to actually have sex an hour later because they are soul mates. Or because the oogabooga magic forced them to. My characters go, hey, sexy, wanna fuck? And the other one says, sounds like fun.  And then they fuck.  And it's fun.  And they part and go on with their lives.  Unless it was so much fun they want to do it again some time.

2 of the 3 blog readers I might have just fainted. And called me a promiscuous whore when they woke up. Yes, I am different.  Weird.  And everyone hates me for it.  My cruel, abusive, psychopathic mother was right after all. (Cue more flashbacks)

So I'm going to go fold some origami.  I'm thinking about picking up the supplies to make cute little bead animals again. I'll leave them here and there where someone can find them and maybe pick them up with a smile (since they don't realize the weird awful person they stare at every other day made it).  I'll feel like, hey, I brought a little beauty and maybe a little smile into the world.

Because I can't write any more.  There is no joy left here.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay








Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Too much power in too few hands - in dialysis clinics as well as our government.

Much of what is wrong with this country right now is due to too much power being in the hands of too few people - or companies.  Companies are free to be more merciless than actual people because, of course, there is no one person (with a conscience we hope) to place responsibility on. So if you complain, or sue, it's "policy" set by the "shareholders" or some "committee" and there is no recourse.  

Corporations wield a disproportionate amount of power in our government.  Their money, one way or another, purchases the representation they want.

Two corporations, DaVita and Fresenius, between them, provide 70% of the dialysis in the United States. 

Back in the 70s a group of physicians, tired of watching their kidney failure patients die for lack of money for dialysis, went to Congress.  Medicaid was expanded to cover dialysis 100%.  I think this needs to be done for every chronic disease, from cancer to fibromyalgia, but please do not hate people with ESRD simply because they do have the near universal medical coverage every single American ought to have. Because there's a dark side to it that I'm about to tell you about.

So - dialysis is big business.  We (via our government) pay about three times as much per treatment in the United States as in any other developed country. The same treatment, with the same machine, the same supplies, as they get in the other countries - generally even from the same two corporations; DaVita and Fresenius.

The care we receive for that big payment is dismal. I am thoroughly disliked at my husband's dialysis clinic, because we monitor every treatment, every change, every prescription.  We ask questions, and we do not hesitate to call the ESRD Network with complaints.  And, of course, you can see there are many blog posts here about the poor care he receives. When I spoke to other medical professionals, other patients and their caretakers, I am told that pretty much all dialysis clinics are the same - or worse.

Part of the reason for that dismal care is that dialysis patients are being treated by people with a high school diploma and a few weeks in clinic training.  They are getting a little bit over minimum wage. They have (maybe) one RN on duty and that one highly trained person is responsible for watching over, well, I don't know how many - 20 or more patients at a time I suspect.  (Yes, it's true that some of the technicians have far more than that basic training, or have come to dialysis from other specialties.  Some of them care deeply about doing their job with respect, compassion and kindness.  Some of them are there for a paycheck.)

Those dialysis technicians work ridiculous shifts.  Most recently, I was given to understand that our techs were scheduled for three 17 hour shifts in a row so that the company would not have to pay them any overtime.  Over the Memorial Day weekend. So we are talking about people who haven't seen their family for three days, who have eaten their meals at the break room table, who have clearly had less than eight hours of sleep - watching over a machine that sucks the blood out of someone and puts it back in - watching over half a dozen or more patients at a time. Sure, they got several days off afterwards - after all, they can't make any overtime! This holiday weekend aside, many times I've been told technicians are work 12 hours or more in a single shift.  They work until 10 pm and then are expected back at 4 am to open for a new day, a new 12 hour shift. In six months, we have seen an incredible turnover rate.  The best techs give out and quit first. This is not a quality lifestyle for anyone!

Not surprisingly, during this holiday weekend, a mistake was made in my husbands treatment.  I complained.  It was corrected at the next treatment.  How many other mistakes were made?  For people whose families don't monitor their treatments as closely?  These mistakes take days off that patients life expectancy.  They cause untold misery.

California has a state bill in process to address some of these concerns.  It would force the clinics to be reasonable about the hours their employees work.  To improve the patient: technician ratio so patients get more of the attention they need. And for more frequent inspections of the dialysis clinics.  Right now, dialysis clinics are inspected less often than nursing homes.

Fresenius and DaVita claim this bill endangers patient care.  How, pray tell, can a more alert, well trained, less stressed out medical technician taking care of fewer patients at one time going to endanger anyone?  Far the opposite I would think.

I tell you what it does endanger.  It endangers the enormous profits these companies are making.  Take a look at their financial reports.  Glance at any stock market website and see what a great investment dialysis companies are.

DaVita has FIRED four employees for speaking out in favor of this bill.  Oh, they claim that these four employees - one of them considered a model employee of 16 years - all suddenly, on the same day, committed something so egregious they had to be fired immediately.  They sure did - they spoke out about what goes on in those clinics.

The patients are afraid to speak out.  They are afraid of in-clinic retaliation.  I can tell you I, personally, have been retaliated against for my constant complaints. My husband lives in fear that the people who stab him with two large needles every other day, who suck all the blood out of his body and put it back - might retaliate against him.

And now the employees themselves will be afraid to speak out.  They see what's going to happen if they do.  They will be fired. Like all of us - they need that job.  Some of them, the best of them, have a great deal of time put into specialized training for their job.  And if they get fired from a DaVita clinic for speaking out, do you think a Fresenius clinic will hire them? Do you think any dialysis clinic will hire them again? So what do they do with all that education - go to work at McDonalds and hope that will cover their bills? No doubt they have a family to support, too.

This is because there is too much power, in too few hands. And the motivation is not care, compassion, or improving lives.  The motivation is the highest profit possible from people's suffering and desperate need.

Speaking as a family member of someone on dialysis - if California passes that bill, we may move to California.

But, really, that bill needs to be in Congress.  That law needs to be a national law.

Adequate medical care is not too much to ask for in this most rich and developed nation.

Nuff said.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay


Sunday, May 28, 2017

Trump decides to kill the last of our wild horses - and I'm glad

The Washington Post reports that Trump's budget cuts the money for wild horses and changes the law to allow them to be euthanized or sold at auction. Click here to see the video and story.

When I first saw this I was freaked out, angry, depressed, and nearly in tears.

And then I thought about it for a bit.

And now I am glad.

Why?

Maybe you know the story of how the buffalo was saved.  It was not saved by the U.S. government.  It was saved by a handful of ranchers, who saw that the wild buffalo herds were almost gone.  They bought, caught, and gathered all they could and preserved them on their own land.  That's right.  American people saved the buffalo.

It was a good many years later before the zoos, researchers, and government people went "Oh damn, the buffalo are gone! We should SAVE them!" and then those ranchers said, "'Bout damn time.  Here, have a few of mine."

So this bill will allow the unrestricted sale of captured wild horses at auction.  No more adoption papers, inspection, one horse at a time, only once every two years.  All that bereaucratic crap did not keep Mustangs from going to slaughter.  It meant they went to warehousing ranches who got paid to keep them (money), it meant that oddly enough certain people seemed to be allowed to adopt tens or hundreds of horses at once, without inspection, and were unable to prove where those horses were two years later (money). It meant that horses were rounded upon State land, or Forest land, or tribal land, and because it wasn't BLM land those horses could be auctioned off at the public (slaughter) auction to raise money for the tribe or government.

I hope this goes through.  And I hope the horse rescuers, the horse rescue associations, the ranchers and American people who care about wild horses will fundraise and gather up their pennies and get themselves to those auctions.  They only have to bid against the meat man for these untamed animals - so say $1 a pound or less for smallish horses.

And WE will save those wild horses and give them homes where they can live out their lives in freedom or the next closest thing we can provide. 

In fact, my biggest worry is that we can get this done ASAP. 

Because I bet you money that the next step is shooting them from airplanes. Why round them up when you can slaughter them on sight?

Please, please prove worthy of my hopes.

Summer Foovay


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

In clinic Hemodialysis ABUSE - Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.[1][2]

Or as I call it - telling lies on me.  This is a form of abuse that can be used by a narcisstic individual - or by a company or organization.

In this case, Fresenius Medical Clinic #4670 in Las Cruces, NM has now done this to us twice.

They changed his appointment time.  They did not inform us of that change.  Because we are consistently EARLY for his appointments - we are actually "on time" for the "new time" which is moved up by twenty minutes or so. Thus it is weeks before we discover we are "always late" - by then they can say "oh, you are ALWAYS LATE." and it is OUR fault (according to them).

Then one day we come "on time" (we think) and are told we are LATE.  This is the first time we are ever informed that our appointment time has been changed.  We are told we are 'ALWAYS LATE' when in fact, our appointment time was moved forward by twenty or thirty minutes - and apparently because we are actually always early, we are not informed for several weeks.

In fact, we still were not informed except that I ask for the print out from the dialysis machine - and it was noted in his records that he was LATE and thus the treatment time was "adjusted" (CUT down from his prescribed time). We were not told this information at any time. We would have never known he was "always late" if we did not get the print out and read the technicians notes.

When I called today and asked for his actual appointment time, I got an argument, and then they finally checked the "master list" and gave me the new time. They insisted this was his "usual time" - so at some point in time in the last two months his appointment was moved up from 3:20 pm to 2:50 pm AND WE WERE NEVER INFORMED OF THIS CHANGE.

This is the second time this clinic has moved our appointment time, and not informed us of it.  Then blamed us for being "late".

The first time they moved our appointment for dialysis forward by twenty minutes, and did not tell us - when we were finally "late" a tech stepped out and yelled at me in front of a room full of people about how I "always bring him late" and it is all my fault his treatment is cut short because we are "always late".

If you change the appointment time, and do not tell either the patient or the caretaker for WEEKS then, big surprise, they are liable to be late for the appointment time they are NOT AWARE OF. 

And then the clinic shrugs, says, patients are always late or skipping treatment and that's why they are sick.  It is the patients fault or the caretakers fault they are late all the time.  It certainly could not be the clinics fault for changing appointment times without telling the patient or their caretakers the new appointment time. I guess we are supposed to somehow have ESP and know they have changed the time.

We are not alone.  I see this constantly.  People waiting for hours - because they arrived for what they thought was their appointment time - then were told it was two hours later, or two hours earlier, and they are late, or early.  Whatever.  It is always the patient's fault.  And then the patient is labeled uncooperative.  See the previous blog post for what happens after you are labeled.

When I complained to the ESRD Network, I did get a very quiet and private apology from the clinic manager for "forgetting" to tell us, for several weeks, that our appointment time had been moved up.  I never received any acknowledgement or apology for the very public screaming at me for "always bringing him late" and the clinic manager expressed amazement that I wanted such.  I was screamed at and humiliated in public, and apologized to very quietly in private.  But I am in the wrong to want a public apology.

This is simply part of this hemodialysis clinic culture that it is ALWAYS the patients fault, or ALWAYS the caretakers fault.  NEVER the clinic's fault.

If the clinic changes his appointment time, but does not inform us of the change - how are we supposed to know?  Are we supposed to have ESP?  Are we supposed to call on a daily basis, to be updated on his appointment time?  (Please note I called today to check on his appointment time and was told "the usual, we'll let you know if we change it".  When I insisted, they checked, and indeed, the appointment time had been moved. I had to INSIST to be told the correct time for the appointment and then they were rude about it.)

If we are not informed of appointment time changes by the clinic - how can they blame us for being early or late for an appointment?

Yet, they do.

Is there any other business on earth that runs like this?

In clinic Hemodialysis ABUSE - Banning and Uncooperative labeling

This is not the first occasion on which my husband, and I, have been abused by a hemodialysis clinic - and it will not be the last.

There is a vast secret in the in-clinic hemodialysis community about the abuse perpetuated by the clinics on their patients and their caretakers.

This is because if you dare to complain to the higher authorities, you can be punished in the clinic.  These people stick two large needles in your veins every other day.  These people monitor your treatment, and can shorten it or otherwise cause it to be inadequate and make you ill as a result. If that should happen, they will claim it is the PATIENTS FAULT they are ill, and they will get away with it, since they have been for the last 30 years or more.

If you complain you will be labeled UNCOOPERATIVE.  If you refuse unnecessary treatments or drugs you will be labeled UNCOOPERATIVE.

This label, UNCOOPERATIVE, is also used on patients who are not mentally competent, who can become violent and threatening.  SAME LABEL.  So when you try to move to a new clinic - suddenly they have no openings.  They don't want an UNCOOPERATIVE patient who will make trouble.

Hemodialysis clinics have the power to BAN 'UNCOOPERATIVE' patients, their caretakers, and family. This is a good thing when it is used to protect the clinic personnel from violent, threatening people.  It is a bad thing when it is also used as a threat to keep people from complaining about improper treatment.

Because if you are BANNED by one clinic for being UNCOOPERATIVE, then other clinics will not treat you either.

If you do not receive your hemodialysis treatment, YOU WILL DIE.

How potent a threat is that?

So patients, caretakers, and families, keep quiet when the patient, or family and caretakers are abused. For fear of in clinic retaliation.  For fear of being left to die.




Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Morning Sunflowers

With all the fear and suffering the U.S. is enduring now as our government openly plans to let those of us who are ill die slowly without treatment to save money so Trump can go to Mar El Lago for the golf, and kill other people around the world more quickly - this greeted me when I looked out my window this morning.


At least we can still enjoy sunshine and sunflowers.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Chronic Fluid Overload Can Shorten Life for Hemodialysis Patients

Kidney patients on hemodialysis are constantly nagged to watch their fluids. We are fortunate in that my hubby has some residual function left in his kidneys, and he still urinates.  This allows him to have more fluid than some patients - who no longer urinate at all.  He also stays as physically active as possible, taking a daily walk, and this seems to also help substantially with keeping excess fluids off.

Another problem that we had, especially when we first switched back to hemodialysis, was getting the dialysis clinic to take him all the way down to his dry weight. This is one reason you should monitor closely what your clinic is doing as far as your treatments.  Don't blindly trust them to do the treatment correctly. We have time after time had to point out to the clinic personnel mistakes made in my husband's treatment, from cutting his time short, to leaving far too much fluid on him. 

If you are a hemodialysis patient, you probably already know too well the miseries of having a fluid overload.  But now there is a new study that makes it clear that a fluid overload is not simply miserable - if it is chronic it can literally shorten your life. They concluded persistent fluid overload raised your risk of early death roughly as much as having coronary artery disease or being twelve years older.  You can read more about the study by clicking here. 

So, I know you get nagged about this all the time - but really, it is so important to keep your fluid overload at a minimum. There are a lot of people who love you and want you to feel well and to hang around with them for many more years of love and happiness.

I am still a big advocate for peritoneal dialysis.  More frequent dialysis, and more control over your own treatment can be a big help in avoiding fluid overload. It isn't perfect for everyone - but it is a viable alternative to in-clinic hemodialysis or home hemodialysis. And, yes, I did write a book about our experience with home peritoneal dialysis that you can purchase by clicking here. 

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Checking In On The Garden

I ain't got much money - but I've got a wall of oleanders and a little veggie garden!

My jalapeno plant has a pepper already!


And this morning my first sunflower bloomed!


Ain't nobody gonna get me down today!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay



Saturday, April 22, 2017

The perfect read for a lazy weekend

Gee, I just discovered that I can instantly transfer a review on Goodreads over to my blog.  How about that?  So, I will.  Here it is:

Society for Paranormals (Society for Paranormals, #1-4)Society for Paranormals by Vered Ehsani
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a pleasant interesting little read for a lazy day. Sit back with a cup of tea, a hot buttered English muffin, and relax. I read all three in two days - well, my edition only had 3 and I haven't bought the 4th yet. The author takes the Victorian English cozy mystery a step above by transporting her detective to Africa, and tossing in the paranormal. The nerd in me loved the afterword where we learn which elements of the story were actual historical facts. There's a little romance, of course, but it isn't painful. It's witty, in that old fashioned way, and fits perfectly into the genre. This isn't high literature, but then it doesn't try to be. I'll happily spring for future books, and really, they are a bargain!

View all my reviews

Isn't that cute?  I'll have to remember that.

At the moment I am not accepting any requests for reviews. I love to read.  I review what I read if I liked it enough and have time. And that's that.

Blessedbe and best of luck with all your endeavors

Summer Foovay

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Rudolph The Red Nosed Writer Goes On A Ramble

I always really identified with poor Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  They never let me play in any reindeer (or human) games.

Children are cruel little people who sense anyone with a difference and separate them from the herd.  It's instinct, of course.  The one that's a bit different - in a herding species like our own - is the one the wolves also target and eat.  Children LEARN compassion and kindness, and believe me, they only practice it when someone who cares is watching - at least for the first few years.

Now that I've gotten rid of about 90% of the soft, fluffy, children are our future people...

So I was different.  I was highly intelligent, and extremely damaged. Raised by a psychopath and a child molester, keep isolated, treated as an adult (in every way) from the age of 2; I will be the first to acknowledge that I am fucked up. Because I figured I deserved another dose of it I married a Narcissist and endured another 8 years before I even started to shake off those chains. I was an introvert in the first place, and now there's Complex PTSD on top of it.  We won't even get started on sexual and gender stuff. Bottom line, I never learned to socialize with other "normal" humans.

But I'm a writer, and an artist and apparently a good listener.  The need to support myself forced me out into the world of the "normals" and I learned to at least pretend to be human and polite.  And I heard and lived a lot of great stories that I would love to share. It's what I do.  See, I actually care about you very much, I just don't really want you in the same room.

The very presence of another human being puts me under a certain amount of stress.  Imagine being in the presence of a cobra.  It's not even paying attention to you, just hanging out in the same room.  But yeah, you're probably very aware that there is a cobra in the room.  And you have to work there.  Shop there.  Learn there. In fact, you are expected to make friends with the cobra.

Personally, I'd rather be in the presence of a cobra.  See, snakes have a very simple world view.  You are food, or a danger, or something they'll ignore like part of the furniture.  Humans?  I have no freaking clue what you might do next.
I don't understand you at all. I never had the chance and now I'd simply rather not.

Well, actually, I do understand you.  I understand how you interact amongst yourselves in a lot of ways.  Lots of stories, you know. But as far as how I should act, and how you may react to me - no clue. My bullshit and lie detector was smashed before it fully developed, and my standards for friendship are apparently set way, way too high - although they are what I freely offer.

Along comes the Internet and the Kindle and I can write my little heart out and avoid the whole rejection letter and interacting with actual humans thing and I'm pretty happy.

Then I start reading about writing and being successful as a writer and I end up feeling like there is no hope for me.

As usual, I don't fit in your little boxes.  I write in more than one genre and more than one voice.  I write sex stories, kid stories, and non-fiction - among other things. I don't have a brand and I don't have 1000 fans breathlessly awaiting my next twitter blast.

Because I suck at social interaction. I thought I was going to finally get to climb into my lonely writers garrett and write in peace, and now you want me to blog and interact on social accounts and do it all in such a way that it "builds the brand".

What brand?  I don't have one single interest.  Sorry.  I'm a multipotentialite.  So the dog people cringe when I talk about Paganism, and the politics people cringe when I talk about dogs, and... probably the parents with the fluffy children who like my kids books cringe when I talk at all.

What's a writer to do?  A writer who would like to make a little money at it anyway? I have no desire to be the next JK Rowling (I bet she has to share a room with people a lot) but you know, a living.  Which is probably a lot less for me than for most people.  But it's also a lot more than I am making these days writing.

One thing I have tried is pen names.  In fact, I'm plotting right now for another one.  And possibly more. I like it.  If you want to read kids books, look for this author.  If you want grim mysteries, this author.  Sex stories by this author over here. And I pretty well talk on this blog, and my Facebook and Twitter about all of my various names and projects so if you just like my unique way of thinking about the world (in the words of one of my first readers) and you like to read in more than one genre, then you can follow me around without too much trouble, too.  If you only like kids books, or sex books, or mysteries or whatever, go follow that name.

But does that mean I should have a Facebook page for each pen name?  And Twitter and author page on Amazon and, and, and...etc.?  Are you kidding?  I can barely interact with my FishWorld friends on Facebook!

And I have to ask you, dear readers, do you seriously really follow your favorite authors that way?

I wonder because I am a reader, too, and here's the honest truth.  I don't.  I have a few FB friends who are authors, but I've dropped more than I keep and I keep the ones I do because they are interesting people, not because I buy or like their books.   I've quit following authors on Twitter unless I actually buy their books, because all most writers tweet is "buy my book", "buy my book", "buy my book" and maybe "buy my friends book".  I follow a few authors blogs.  I follow one authors blog because I love her blog, but I fucking HATE her books.  You couldn't pay me to read her books.  But her blogs are really interesting. I feel a little bad because I never do anything on her blog that she could earn money from, and I can't bring myself to buy her books. I get a few authors newsletters, but, again, drop more than I keep because most of them are one very long, self involved commercial and I could care less.  Let me know when the next book is out, and when they're on sale.

As a reader, do you really give a shit that the next Mr. Odon Ata is largely done (in my head) and only waiting on a larger plot curve in the kid's life to hitch it too, and the first book of the Locoweed batch has been set back into the back burner while I do some boring background outlining for the whole Locoweed series that I have decided has to be done before the first book comes out so that I've now started a routine to write 200 words a day period and then try to rewrite, edit, and mentally tinker with ideas for the other hundred things in my head? Do you care about that - or do you just want to know when I finally publish a new book? And if it is one of the ones you want to read?

If you read this blog, is it because you love my books, or because you know me personally (poor thing)  or know my husband (now he does know how to socialize), or like that one poor reader, you like the way my quirky mind works and find my babble interesting AND you want to know when the next book is coming out. Because I've never succeeded in really BRANDING this blog so it's all about Mr. Odon Ata books, or nature, or kids, or sex, or serial killers, or kidney disease, or me.

And I can't play those people games at all - so my wonderful little Wattpad mystery has like three readers and probably less for my other work, and I seriously doubt anyone there has reached out so far as to click a link to my Amazon page because why would they when they can read free on the Internet?

I'm a writer.  So my little mental crises tend to bleed all over the keyboard and the blog post, page, or Word doc.  You may have noticed.

I don't want to BRAND myself. I don't fit into a little box.  I not only think outside the box or jump the fence, I am standing in this big, marvelous world looking all around me and thinking WHAT FENCE? 

I get it that they are visible to you, these lines, but I can't see them and never know when I'm over the lines. And further more, I don't really care.

Let me tell you a quick horse story and I'll go.

At one point in time, I had my QH mare Southbound boarded at a friend's little acreage.  To pay my "board" I was training a three year old filly he had.  I turned Southbound out and after hanging around for a while (she was horribly jealous of my attention to the filly) she wandered off to graze.  While I was working with the filly, the young one had a little flip out moment and in the process yanked up a post and a short section of fence and galloped off with it.  She was fine, calm down.  This little section of fence stuck out of the barn and really had no purpose other than hitching a horse to it, but the route from the pasture to the barn required that you take a few steps around this bit of fence and then into the barn.  But the bit of fence was gone.  Completely.

At the end of the day, I called Southbound up for her dinner.  She ran up to where the fence used to be and stopped.  As if she couldn't believe her eyes, she stuck out her nose and waved her head around where that bit of fence used to be.  Sniffed.  Snorted.  Pointed her ears at it.  Nothing there.  And finally, she very carefully walked around the fence that wasn't there any more. 

I rolled around in the hay laughing at her.

What fence?  I still can't see it.  I'm going to do what I do and pray the Goddess sees fit to serendipitously send me the readers who will enjoy my quirky way of thinking.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay










Thursday, April 13, 2017

It's officially a garden!

One of the lovely things about this new lot we moved into a few months ago is that I have a little tiny green space - complete with white picket fence - that I can tend.

<<<These pretties were left behind - but have been responding with lots of flowers now that they are getting some TLC.  Azaleas and cacti.

Almost as soon as we moved in I put in some more fun flowers - morning glories, a couple of varieties of sunflowers, moon flowers, and a wildflower mix I barely raked into the hard soil of a big bare place under a big tree.  Watering caused a lot of volunteers to spring up - dandelions, to my delight.  Among others I am less delighted about.

There is a variety of what I've learned are called Damned Yellow Complex wildflowers.  (Kinda like Little Brown Job birds) It gets about four feet high if you leave it alone, and makes pretty yellow flowers, and then huge seed heads, which have been visited by Lesser Goldfinchs!  I hear butterflies like them, too, so I am inclined to let them do as they will.  I did have to chop one down that was by the water hookup though.

 I discovered a couple of days ago that what I thought was clover was actually buffalo burrs!  So they got yanked up toot suite.

But today's big effort was dragging out the kiddie pool.  Which magically made the kiddie next door spring outside again to point and inform me it was a pool.  No, I told him, it's a garden.  And then I proceeded to poke holes in the bottom and fill it with mulch, top soil, cow manure, raised bed garden soil, and more mulch.  Grandpa took the boy away to lunch - I hope the kid can cope.

So far, I also have patio tomatoes, Sweet 100 Cherry tomatoes (my favorites!), jalapeno peppers, and New Mexico Big Jim peppers (how could I resist?  Especially since James requested a poblano type pepper for cooking), and a few Spaghetti Squash.  A little clutch of African giant marigolds are watching over the veggies.  They are from Walmart - but they all look pretty healthy.

Still to come - we have a place down the road that said they were going to get in our Thai peppers.  Got to get down and check them out next week.  And I'll take either healthy little seedlings or seeds for some zucchini and summer squash, dill and cilantro.  Maybe cucumbers if I feel there is enough room and time for them to grow. And I'd like a few more marigolds.

I've set the hubby to keep track of whether or not he thinks the $75 or so spent on the garden comes back OUT of the garden in food. (Of course, next year we will put considerably less in and hopefully get more out)

So that's my day.  Really, I did this for record keeping.  We'll see how they go this year, I'll post now and then, and have a reference for next year.  New place.  New garden.  New seasons and such I suppose.

Speaking of which, its the 3rd quarter in Scorpio if you're keeping track.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay 

Saturday, April 8, 2017

I have a dream

 Peritoneal Dialysis for patients, their caretakers, family, friends and medical professionalsFrom the moment I decided to write my little book on Peritoneal Dialysis for patients, their caretakers, friends, family and medical professionals I've had one desire for it.  That it be available as widely as possible, as cheaply as possible so that people who want and need this information and advice can easily find it and buy it.

I spent days writing, rewriting, researching, fact checking, editing and formatting.  And while this means I spent them right here at home at my own computer with my own dear husband (and dialysis patient) almost within reach - my time and work has value.  There was always a hope in the back of my mind that this book would be a great little seller and increase my income at least a little bit.

But in order to make anything on it self publishing at Amazon, I've had to set the price much higher than I would like.  After all, I am well aware of how much income most of us dialysis patients, caretakers, and families are trying to scrape by on.  And as much market penetration as Amazon has - who doesn't shop at Amazon? - I'd really like to see this little book as something that sits on the table in the nephrologists waiting room, and in a stack in the dialysis clinic.  I'd like every RN on every floor in the hospital to have a copy handy, along with the X-ray techs and MRI techs and CAT scan techs.  Maybe I could save someone a "OMG it's a tumor" scare when it's only fluid from peritoneal dialysis. I'd like for peritoneal dialysis patients to have a couple copies they can pass on to their family and friends.

In other words, I'd like Peritoneal Dialysis for patients, their caretakers, friends, family and medical professional to be free, or damn near free and widely available.  That's my dream for it.

What I'd like - what I think would accomplish this - is some company that does the publishing of medical pamphlets and posters and those free things you find at the doctors office - like the little one page pamphlet the nephrologist handed us when we had to chose a dialysis modality - I want the company who makes and distributes those to come along and make me an offer.  Buy the manuscript altogether with rights.  Or pass me a little royalty - at the very least their costs will be a lot lower to print in massive quantities and it's not like I'm James Patterson or J.K. Rowling or anything.  (A little Robin Cook maybe? Just kidding)

Today I spent some time trying to find out who those companies are and no doubt as time goes on and life brings the hubby and I to one doctors office after another I can pick up those freebies and research the publishers.  I emailed a few possibilities today.

It's only a little dream.  A little hope that maybe this information gets out to somebody who needs it when they need it and it helps.  And I am not adverse to a bit of cash in my pocket either.  Probably less than I was paid to clean houses or shovel dog shit but every penny helps!

If you should happen to have any connections or ideas that would help my dream come true, feel free to share!  Thank you in advance!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Hungry Shark Evolution April Fool's Day contest

There's only a few hours left to the Hungry Shark Evolution April Fools Contest, so I'm not sure how much this will help anyone - but I'm gonna put it out there for you anyway.

I'm in the top 1% with 102 clown fish eaten.

Find the clown fish in nooks, crannies, and caves.

My high score was with the Mosasaurus, Level 7 equiped with the Clown Baby and the Oceana Baby, the Oceana emblem, shark vortex, laser and skateboard. The skateboard is probably not really necessary as there aren't any clown fish on the land but it makes it easier to zip back and forth.

My two next highest scores were with Big Daddy, equipped with the baby Big Daddy, the Clown Baby, laser, shark vortex, Oceana emblem, skateboard and jet pack - I got to 87 with him.

I think I could have scored even higher if I had the Mosasaurus baby to help eat.  Oh, and I bought the shark signal to have an extra baby slot on Mosasaurus.

Good luck!!

Summer Foovay

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Peritoneal Dialysis for patients and caretakers is now available in print!

I am proud to announce that today Peritoneal Dialysis for patients, caretakers, friends, family and medical professionals  is now officially available in print!

If you prefer to read on the Kindle, Peritoneal Dialysis for patients, caretakers, friends, family and medical professionals is still available in digital form as well. I gave the digital copy a pretty new cover because I also tweaked the title a little bit.

I am not very happy with the price I had to put on the print version in order to make anything at all in royalties on it.  I wish I could simply put a stack of these in every nephrologists' and dialysis clinic waiting room, free for the taking.  But my work does have value, and I have a kidney patient of my own who has medical needs that cost money and keep me from working an outside job.  In an ideal world, some medical publishing company would be on the phone to me right now offering to either purchase the rights to the little book or pay me royalties and sell it for next to nothing to doctors and clinics because they can print in bulk.

Maybe someday I will win the lottery and be able to print a few million and hand them out like I would like!

Meanwhile, I'm doing the best I can with what I've got!

For some reason Amazon has not linked the print and digital versions, but I've emailed them about it and hopefully they'll get that corrected soon.  I also just noticed that it does not seem to be available for Canada, Australia, or India for some reason.

Its funny how, even though it is self published and print on demand, I got that little thrill when I got the email last night that the print version was available and then saw the page on Amazon.  Isn't that kind of silly?

So yay for me, this is one of those little works in progress that has been on my list for some time and now it is done.  All over with but the shouting, bragging, and whatever else I can think of to publicize it.

Now to pick the next project to finish.  Maybe I'll conquer the last few levels on Horse Planet!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Links to Peritoneal Dialysis book print version:

Peritoneal Dialysis: for patients, caretakers, friends, family, and medical professionals - U.S.A.


Saturday, March 25, 2017

OOoo - shiney!

I have a refrigerator magnet that says "I was ready to take on the world today until I saw something sparkly".  That's me through and through.  Of course, it's because I'm a multipotentiate.

So I had a plethora of interesting jobs, and then the hubby got a great job and retired me (or tried to) twenty years ago.

Bored Now.

Then I started looking for a way to make money on the Internet.  Oh, my, I laugh until my sides hurt.

I sold some of my handmade jewelry and artwork on eBay.  A few collectibles.  What a PITA.

I taught myself webdesign and designed websites that sold porn, and shared my own art as clipart as well as my stories and articles.  Okay, that was fun, but didn't make much.  And Bush got in office and hubby started having nightmares about the men in black with big fucking guns coming to take me away for slinging porn.  So I got out of that altogether.

Well, mostly.  I got a job-ish writing porn stories on commission.  That was fun for a little while but I got to feeling like a hack and writing was losing all it's fun for me.  But I had rights to some of my stories yet, so those are out on Kindle now.  Of all this journey, they still make the most money.

At one point I had 12 blogs on various subjects, several that came up #1 in Google searches and I got a dab of money now and then for ads or endorsements.

Then we went on the road for a bit and my webhost thought that would be a good time to sell themselves to someone who did something to the servers and literally broke every single website and blog I owned overnight.  BAM. So much for that little residual income.

I wandered around New Mexico and worked a few outside the house jobs and then  hubby got too sick for me to be gone all day.

At this point I think I can say I've given publishing on Kindle a good stab.  Mostly I've discovered that porn sells even if you don't make any effort at all!  Carefully crafted novels - TANK.  Well, unless you have the money for advertising, a publicity firm, or a big fanfic following. I'm too much of a bitchy introvert for all that.  Not to mention, a man.  Not that I'm gonna quit or anything.  As mentioned in yesterday's post, I'd write if I had to do it using my own blood on tree bark so... may as well polish it up now and then and either stick it on Wattpad or a blog or Kindle.  Still making up my mind on that.

Still learning Japanese.  Oy Vey! Really hard.  Still doing a little origami which is fun but leaves me with a bunch of little paper sculptures I can't give away. Still draw and color a little bit, but the technology to do digital art is gone, and replacement is out of my price range for something that is, face it, a hobby.  I've learned my lesson about putting art on the Internet - great way to work really hard on something so you can give it away and have others claim it as their own and sell it. I did a little commission work.  It was fun.  Can't get commissions.

I earn the most at the Mechanical Turk - sometimes I make $5 in a day!  No, really, I get excited about it. Face it, I get pretty excited about the $5 a month I get from my Kindle books.

And now there's this tickle at the back of my brain.  Games.  Video games for PC, game consoles, Android, Phones...  I mean I never thought of myself as a gamer.  At least, I was deep into D&D and AD&D when it was tabletop, but I was completely disappointed in the early computer versions.  But now I, who always thought I was the anti-gamer, spend a few hours a day happily playing silly games of one form or another on the PC or mostly my Kindle Fire.

Hmmm...I wonder how hard it is to make one of these...and how much you make off them?

So, I've been looking it up today.  Basically, I'd say it's like anything else.  What you put in, is what you get out.  But wouldn't it be FUN to make games? And...maybe I'll make a penny or two.  I am kicking myself - we nearly bought a game a few years ago that I used to play and love that got basically abandoned by the developers (which happens to a LOT of games) but at the time I didn't have the confidence that I would be able to learn to code it.  I should have done it.  Hell, I taught myself to code webpages, didn't I? Well, hindsight and all that and really, who knows if it would actually have been a good idea.

Game Dev... my next title?  What the hell else am I doing with my time?

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Friday, March 24, 2017

Tweaking the Tanuki

A few days ago I started serializing "A Kitsune, A Coyote, and a Tanuki walk into a bar..." on Wattpad.  I like seralizing.  It keeps me writing - or in this case - rewriting.  And rereading.

I hate rereading my own work.  I always decide it sucks.  However, I am attempting to mature as a writer here and apply many of the terrific ideas and methods and principles I've been reading about for the last couple of years.  So this is the first time I'm rewriting (and serializing) and editing with those in mind.

The main reason I'm doing it now is because I really like this group of kids (they're 15, well, more or less) and I really like the town (Locoweed) and plan to write quite a few stories of varying length and subject matter set there.  I also sort of loved this novel when I first wrote it.  Then I reread it and decided it wasn't DONE, that the great denoument scene almost certainly demanded a sequel and besides, there were more things I wanted to get in - or get the kids into.  Several other stories I have as WIP are either already set in Locoweed, or would work beautifully as, what would I call them, pre-spin offs?  They are written, but they could easily be drawn into affairs in Locoweed and would fit right in.

Welcome to Locoweed, I love it here, hope you do, too.

Well, it's true.  That does mean I have some organizing and note making to do so that there is consistency through out the stories and novels to come.  It's kind of like building a D&D campaign - NPCs, locations, and a world framework have to be in place.

And then I got to picking on the poor kids - the kitsune, coyote, and tanuki in the story.  In the beginning the tanuki girl was the main character, but as characters will do - the kitsune and coyote have come demanding their fair share of time and words.  Not to mention the mysterious wolf.  So they're being fleshed out and growing.

I've concluded Wattpad, for all that I have almost no readers there, is a good spot to do this ongoing development.  Publishing bits will keep me going, even if no one reads them.  Once they're out there, I'm sort of obligated to them.  Or at least I feel that way.

Someday I'll get back on to I am Pagan and finish it, too.  Just a little bit to go - but it's mainly a matter of reformatting the mess Shaxpir made of my formatting.  Not one of my favorite things.  And I'm kind of mad about it to tell you the truth.  It means a lot of going back and forth and back and forth from original webpage to wrecked manuscript that I thought was nearly done.  It is not fun.  And it is redoing something I thought I had already done.  I hate doing that.

A big chunk of the 4th Mr. Odon Ata book also was sucked into oblivion by Shaxpir.  The books of the series are well reviewed, but rarely sell and I can barely even give them away.  Unless I win the lottery and can pay a publicity firm a few thousand to pump them, they never will sell.  And even then...

I've been reading some other kids books for the same age group.  They seem to tear along at a chase movie pace from start to finish.  One explosive event after another, flash, flash, run, run, boom, boom, boom.  It's like the book version of the Fast and the Furious movies, only the movies have the occasional slightly slower scene to at least pretend there is some plot beyond oh look at the fast cars go. I like watching fast cars go fast, I'm not knocking the movies, okay?  Still, it makes me feel like my pokey little books with nice animal stories and kind people are going to go straight into the wastebin if sold to kids who expect non-stop action.  Is there an audience for Mr. Odon Ata?

Personally, I have some problems that cause me to much prefer peace and quiet and slow build up.  I have a feeling there are kids out there who would probably do better with a little slower, quieter pace as well.  But are there?  And do they buy ebooks?

That and the fact that my Kindle income is now about $5.00 a month - most of which comes from sales of "How to eat pussy" has got me having a little existential crisis.

Why do I write books?  I wrote before I had any hope of being published.  I write stuff that I know will never be published.  I ramble for hours on blog posts I know no one reads.  I write because - I write.

With that said...

Publishing ebooks is a royal pain in the ass.  Going through it to make $5 a month?  Not worth it.

Publishing for free online?  Don't I deserve to be paid for my work?  And the website owners - they are making money from ads and sharing MY work.  (They work, too, to create the platform, I know that I used to own websites,too).  Somehow that kind of squicks me.  I mean, we could REALLY use the money.  REALLY.

Here's my life.  I have an external harddrive crammed with writing.  I have piles of sketchbooks full of drawings.  When I die, chuck them all in the fire with me, because no one gives a flying fuck about me, or my creations. Or they want them for free.

I have to buy a hamburger if I want to eat one, right?  Ten minutes later it will be, for all practical purposes, gone forever.  And it probably wasn't all the unique, special, or the individual creation of someone who spent weeks thinking about it. You can't re-eat a hamburger either.  Or share it when you're done.  (Well, I guess you could, but..ew)

But people will buy a hamburger.  And want their novels or artwork for free.

Yeah, never ending pet peeve of mine.

So why do I write?  Because I do.  But to make some money?  I need to start spending more time at the Mechanical Turk.  We really need the money.

And yet, I still spent an hour today making notes for plots and subplots for the Kitsuni, Tanuki and Coyote book.

Face it.  I live in my own little world.  LOL.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

What I'm Watching Now


For someone who didn’t even own a TV for a good many years, I’ve gotten hooked on a good many shows in my old age.  I blame it on the hubby, who was a TV baby and could watch 24-7 if he didn’t have to sleep now and then. 

I blame Crunchyroll for introducing me to K(orean) Drama and J(apanese) Drama.  Oh yeah, Crunchyroll.  Well, I started for the nice free streaming legal anime, became a premium member and the rest is history.  I try really hard to blame that on some friends and family who introduced me to anime, but since it was literally years before it took root and became a big part of my life I don’t think I can really point at them and say “they did it”.  But maybe I will anyway.

So right now what I’m watching is:

American TV: I love crime shows, and the hubby is adept at finding them for me.  We keep up regularly with NCIS, NCIS:New Orleans, Bones, Castle, and Sherlock Holmes. He loves fantasy and action, so he’s drawn me into The Magicians and we recently finished The Dollhouse on Netflix because, hey, anything associated with Joss Whedon. Speaking of Netflix, I have to admit to being a huge fan of Orange is the new Black, and Sens8. 

I really loved Sens8 and can’t wait to see where they are going with this.  I’ve even considered fanfic, but I want to wait until we know more about the world and why Whispers is chasing them.  Is it just hatred of the different?

Now and then I dip into the various reality/contest show things - like Shark Tank.  I like Shark Tank.  I love seeing people making their dreams come true. And the brilliant ideas! The business talk is interesting.  Makes me wish I had a brilliant product idea.  

I also like The Voice, The X Factor, America's Got Talent and Dancing With The Stars.  But since hubby doesn't like to watch them and I don't watch much by myself I generally get my fix by watching the "best of" on YouTube once a month or so. So many amazing, talented people in the world.  Hubby drags me off for a little bit of professional wrestling (I like Asuka), and Steve Austin's Broken Skull Ranch. 

Sports for me is motor sports.  Since they ruined NASCAR (What was wrong with my Daddy's NASCAR anyway?) I've become a big rally fan.  World Championship Rally.  Now those guys (and a few women, too) still have balls.  And they cuss in a multitude of languages.  HHHH

K-Drama, J-Drama, and even a Chinese cop show.  The Chinese cop show is When A Snail Falls in Love.  It is the story of a tiny and creepy smart female profiler who is put into a very physical major crimes team.  The Captain is determined to get her off the team, and has a ready made excuse since she did not pass the physical qualification test.  It was interesting to see the differences, the country was pretty, I got a kick out of the English spoken when more than one Asian country is represented (it’s like Common in D&D – everyone speaks it, sort of).  The story is an interesting twist as well.  The profiler is good, but not infallible, and is viewed in differing ways by the different team members from amazing to “the weakest link”. Here in the U.S., although the profiler is often seen as a bit crazy (and this poor girl in Snail is called “a monster” several times), they also get universal adulation and are never wrong.  I thoroughly enjoyed the show and hope there is a second season.

J-Drama – The one I am watching most right now I chose almost at random.  It’s a cop show – Scientific Task Force.  I’m three episodes in and still a bit indecisive about it.  I started in order to have something to test my Japanese language skills.  They test it all right – they speak so fast I’m hopelessly lost most of the time.  The premise is a forensic team of four, all of whom are more than a little odd, and one conventional Captain who has to keep them together and working and prove they have value or the Chief is going to disband them.  I’m not entirely sure if this is a cop show, a drama, or a comedy at this point, the team members are so far out there.  But it’s kind of like a train wreck, I can’t stop watching it.

K-Drama – Hubby watched Goblin, the Lonely and Great God, with me.  Coffee Prince was the first K-drama I ever watched and I fell in love with everything about it.  The leading man in Coffee Prince is also the leading man in Goblin, so I was willing to give it a chance just for that.  It is what hubby and I call “potato chip” – you can’t stop watching.  We even fell in love with the theme music.  We finished it up a few days ago.  I’m ready to watch it again. The fantasy themes of goblin, God, and Grim Reaper interaction was intriguing and amusing.  The actors and actresses were all excellent in their roles.  And the FEELS!  Go watch it.

If you like the action and cliff hangers of K-drama, you have got to check out Voice.  I’m not sure how much I can tell you without getting into spoilers.  There is a cop who has lost his wife and nearly thrown his life away for it.  A voice profiler (that’s a new one on me) who has studied in The States and specializes in getting cops to the scene of the crime in the Golden Time – the period of time from the first contact at 911 and when a victim is actually killed – by getting clues from sounds she can hear on the call.  It’s different.  It’s intriguing.  The only thing you might not like is it assumes you have a 90 minute attention span, and THEN it leaves you on a cliffhanger so you end up watching the next one, and the next one… Aw, I don’t need sleep, do I?

No affiliation, but I do recommend DramaFever.com – it’s where I get my fix.

Anime – oh anime.  I started this season trying to watch too many simulcasts and lost my mind.  I’m now down to only March Comes In Like A Lion, Blue Exorcist, and Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid.  And I wasn’t even going to watch that last one! A good many are marked for marathons later. 

+Then I watched the Crunchyroll Academy episode about Mecha and realized I might actually LIKE Mecha.  They mentioned Gargantua of the Verduous Planet and I loved that show.  So I figured, what the hell, and started marathoning GUNDAM: Iron Blooded Orphans.  Surprise, yes I do like it.  Okay, there’s lots of robots fighting – but by the time the robots fight I actually care about who wins.  In between there is a lot of interesting character development, and plots.  And plots and plots.  And even some larger themes about business and politics and oppression. 

March Comes In Like A Lion is probably categorized as a sports anime, but it seems to me more like a Slice of Life in that the protagonist is really learning about life and questioning how he got to this point.  Rei Kiriyama lost his father as a young boy.  Before he died, shogi (a board game similar to chess) was the only thing the two of them did together – so Rei learned to be very good at it. After his father’s death he was taken in by a “shogi family” who traditionally played the game at professional level.  Rei was able to become a pro while he was still in middle school and used that as a way to create an independent life.  At first, it seems like it was simply that he didn’t want to be a burden, an orphan on charity, but as the series goes on it appears it’s something much more complex than that.  Rei is realizing he never actually enjoyed shogi, at least not in the way some of his impassioned fellow players do, but now he is stuck in this competitive sport and there seems to be no way to go but forward.  He is deeply lonely, deeply sad, and doesn’t even realize it when there are people reaching out to him who do care.  It’s very interesting on several levels.  I hope we can look forward to several seasons of it.

Blue Exorcist is more of a fun thing.  Fighting, demons, the son of the devil – but it has it’s own depths as well.  Two brothers who need to work out their own relationship – especially when one was raised from birth to be an exorcist, and the other is the son of the devil.  (So adopted, yes) The son of the devil who has been raised with humans and trained with exorcists needs to (I can’t help it) tame his demons.

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid snuck up on me in the middle of the night when I was looking for something short, sweet, entertaining, that might make me laugh.  Before that I was looking at it, rolling my eyes, and going – ugh, Moe.  Dragon Maids.  Ow.  Please. 

Well, I was wrong.  Sure, there’s plenty of silliness and bouncing boobies, but there’s actually a story here.  A rather sweet, mysterious, intriguing story that has sucked me in.


So there you go – that’s most of what I am watching right at this moment. Subject to change by whim in any other moment.  

I'm open to suggestions, too.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Monday, March 20, 2017

Dandelions for Ostara - and a Merry Ostara for all!

"beauty in the blades". (11266079626)I
I hope you are having a beautiful and inspiring Ostara!  I stepped in here for a moment and Blogger offered me new layouts to oogle.  I can never resist looking so of course, I did.  And fell in love with this new look - hope you like it!

I could not resist the very spring like look, let alone Dandelions.  Because I am very well known for loving dandelions.  I haven't seen a lot of them here in New Mexico, and when the first few started coming up in my new little yard I did a happy dance.  I talked to them and told them how thrilled I was for them.  And now I have a couple that are two feet high - I kid you not.  And they've spread all over the yard.  Looking around me, I don't see anyone desperately lawn proud (if you are, you shouldn't be in New Mexico) so I don't think anyone is going to notice, let alone mind, that I have a bumper crop of sunny yellow flowers carpeting my lot.  And I couldn't be happier about it!

Ostara, or the first day of spring as some of you might think of it, is the Spring Equinox.  Day and night are exactly equal.  It is a time for new starts, and for balance.

I gained a considerable amount of weight this winter, so much of my new starts are fitness related.  Starting to ride the bike more.  Starting to do yoga again.

The garden is started.  There are sunflowers and morning glories coming up along the fence.  I've been and drooled over flowers and plants at the garden centers and purchased the big kiddie swimming pool that will be the base for my raised bed for vegetables.  Nothing too ambitious this year.  I'm trying to make sure I don't spend more setting up the garden than it saves me in food purchases.  The flowers are pure indulgence.  I dearly love to travel, but that does sort of inhibit gardening - something else I love - so I'm going to make the best of settling down.

Cause - you know - that's what I do.  Make the best of things.

In the last week hubby got four new prescriptions.  Now we're hashing out a routine.  One should raise his blood pressure during dialysis - since his nosediving blood pressure has been a major problem.  One is supposed to maybe slow down his heart rate.  My high octane model has been horrifying medical personnel with his 100+ beats per minute (but in perfect rhythm though) for years.  Maybe we an finally do something about that so the medical professionals can relax a little.  Saw the cardiologist and discussed some things.  We will be going forward with the diffibulator - waiting for a date and time on that.  It's a problem because we cannot take hubby off the clotting med for any period of time without him clotting the fistula closed, so we'll have to get around that.  Took him to the ER Saturday (two months without a hospital visit, almost).  He was in horrible pain and having trouble swallowing.  Turns out he has a bone spur in his neck.  They gave him muscle relaxants and a few pain pills.  I've been giggling at him because the muscle relaxants make him...well... VERY relaxed.  But he's feeling better, and has been getting good dialysis so all in all things are still looking up a bit.

I have not made as much progress as I would like on the WIPs I'm trying to finish up and get published.  I started posting one of them on Wattpad - A Kitsune, A Coyote, and a Tanuki walk into a bar... has one chapter up there.  Got to tinkering with characters and motivations and now I'm not sure if I want to share it or rewrite it first.

The I am Pagan book is nearly done.  However, Shaxpir did something completely bizarre with the format and I'm having to reformat it completely in Word.  I cancelled my Shaxpir subscription and they shut it down even though I had just paid them.  I thought, you know, I'd have the service I paid for until the end of the month.  So I lost a lot of writing.  Yeah, I know, I could just PAY them and access it again.  Because everything I've written in Shaxpir I've had to reformat in word, I've concluded I may as well write it in word.  But I did get some good ideas about filing and keeping track of some things.

Hope you are having a wonderful Ostara with lots of eggs and bunnies!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I'm a multipotentialite!

Who knew?  One more label - and I'm not into labels but I think I may grasp this one with both hands and have it tattooed on my forehead.

By which you can tell I am one of those multipotentialites who has more than once been disparaged and insulted and put down over having more than one interest, more than one focus, more than one "thing" in life.  I've had more than one career - and every career I've had has prepared me in some way for what I consider my number one job of taking care of my husband now.  

And taking care of my husband, and all my other careers, has made it possible for me to have experiences and wisdom to write and share. 

So, watch this!  And understand.


Friday, March 10, 2017

The Games I Play - What I'm Playing Now

gamer girl icon photo: Gamer Icon GamerIcon.jpgI’ve come around to enjoying video games almost as slowly as I came around to using a computer to write – and I am now every bit as hooked on playing games as I am on writing on my computer.  I was playing D&D back when you got a box with three magazine sized “books” and one set of dice. Due to necessity I became a game master, due to the love of it, I stayed one for many years. However, I hesitate to call myself a gamer. It seems to me that most “gamers” are those who play MMORPG or games with a ton of fighting and a bit of strategy.  I am less about fighting and more about beautiful graphics, strategy, and simple relaxation.  Plus I love animals, so I tend towards a lot of Sim games that involve some sort of animal theme, raising them, breeding, etc.  So with that said, here is my list of games I am currently playing.  If you play any of them feel free to friend me or whatever if that is a thing. If you have suggestions of others I might like, I’m good with that!

Games I play online


Aywas (aywas.com) – although I play it much less now than I once did, I dip in now and then and read the news, admire new and custom pets, and adventure for a bit.  I fell in love with the game originally because of the fighting system in the adventures – very much like the fighting system of old fashioned D&D.  Paced reasonably for us oldsters who don’t have the reaction time or desire to simply pound the keyboard a million times a second. Aywas also has a great variety of pets, which is always increasing, and the opportunity to design and color your own custom pets or have them done for you.  There is also a breeding system.  However, it is all very large, complex, and ever growing and I admit to a certain amount of overwhelm.  I feel like you could devote your whole life, all your waking hours, to learning the ins and outs of all the game features – only I have a real world life that demands my attention. Another thing I like about it is that it does not require you to have a top of the line gaming computer in order to run, or to pick up a daily bonus or send gifts, etc. 

Speaking of which – Fishworld on Facebook. Another game I used to play for hours on end, that I now only drop in on once every few days.  They kept “improving” it and eventually it became impossible to get it to open and play on my old computer.  It would open on the new computer but only sometimes play due to our slow Internet.  Now that we have been able to improve our internet, it does open and play – but I’ve had something like two years away from daily play.  There is some lingering resentment in my heart for the developers having improved the game until, well, poor people can’t play for fun. On top of having found other games to occupy the limited time block I allow for playing around.  

An oldie but goody on Facebook, Fantasy Kingdoms, is stirring around a bit and acting like they might come back.  If they do, then I’ll be there!

Games I play on the desktop computer


Recently, I downloaded Shadowverse.  I’m not very good at it yet, but I do enjoy it.  It has had the side effect of being a bit similar to Evilibrium, which I used to play on the Kindle and I’ve also started playing Evilibrium again! It is a card game/fight game/adventure role playing game that actually sort of reminds me of Magic the Gathering in building decks, or having them auto built, or bought prebuilt. And yes, the graphics are gorgeous.  It runs on Steam, which I downloaded to run:

Glass Masquerade. This game is a hedonistic feast for the artist in me.  Pretty music.  Pretty (and pretty difficult) puzzles.  Pretty graphics altogether with a sort of steampunk like flair to my eye.  But, yes, basically, it is jigsaw puzzles with a little story wrapped around them.  I actually was nearly finished and stopped playing because…I didn’t want to be finished.  But I’m going to go back, there’s no doubt.

Speaking of Steam, I’ve been eyeballing several of the mmorpg available.  Keeping in mind I’m a newbie and beautiful graphics is a requirement – any suggestions where to start?

Horse Planet is a beloved oldie which I’ve played almost all the way through and yes, stopped because I didn’t want to be done.  However, I’m actually trying to finish up a few games because I have this habit of stopping a level or two before the end and I feel like I really ought to overcome it. In Horse Planet you chose your horse, have a bit of customization you can do, and then compete in jumping, cross country and trail riding through increasingly difficult courses.  Beautiful graphics and they really endeared themselves to me by basing the American part of the competitions in the desert Southwest so it’s almost like riding around here at home. I like the way the horse handles – I’ve quit many “riding” games because moving the horse is incredibly awkward and difficult.  The horses colorations and movements are realistic, and I appreciate the pintos and app color patterns. I've quit many a horse game because the movement or conformation was so deformed it gave me the shudders - no such problem on this game.

Bejeweled is a long standing favorite that is one of the first things I put on a new device of any sort, if it is available.  I’ve been known to play Bejeweled while talking on the phone, or anything else that doesn’t quite take my entire brain. It’s mindless, and pretty.  My kind of game. I can play for hours if I don’t get interrupted by some dumb thing like eating or going to the bathroom.

On the Kindle


Okay, brace yourself…I do most of my gaming on the Kindle Fire.

Hungry Shark Evolution is one of my all time favorite games.  In fact, I’m in the top 1% of players worldwide.  Shocking, isn’t it?  Amazing how relaxing it is to swim around eating people, crushing subs and boats, chomping helicopters and planes while sitting around in a doctor’s waiting room.  Evil grin. The graphics are pretty.  And they donate to Oceana, an organization that is involved in saving sharks and other denizens of the oceans.

I have downloaded it’s sister game, Hungry Shark World, however I find the new way of moving the sharks there difficult, and it pretty near crashes my Kindle and takes up so much memory that I had to remove several games and books to get it on there.  And then didn’t like it.  Well, the graphics are cool but I don’t like to PLAY so… I’m considering that it might be better on a different device when it becomes available.

Horse Haven is another old favorite that I’ve quit and come back to a couple of times as they went through changes that were not compatible with the devices I was on.  Still, I keep coming back – even though I have to start over every time.  I was actually up to over 250 days without a miss before our modem was stolen. My barns are all at the ultimate size, same for storerooms, and I’m working on having one of each and everyone one of the 55 horse breeds available on the game.  It is basically a sim/breeding game that includes a bit of “steeplechasing” competition as well. Again, the horse movements and colors are mostly pretty realistic although the breeding system is a bit bizarre.  The horses move and look good, except for the thoroughbred, which they made taller by simply adding some length to the upper part of the leg - causing the movement to give me that ick factor.  I try not to look. It's one of 55, and the drafts and ponies look great!

DragonSoul was a great favorite until the modem was stolen, and the game was sold to another company.  It seems now like the fun and laughter is slowly being drained out of it. The graphics are good and the fighting is actually funny, as are all the little quotes. The designers used to have a blast poking fun at all the game and fantasy tropes, but the new group doesn’t seem to get it.  I’ve gone from an all time high of five accounts on five servers, down to two that I barely manage to keep going.  I am really only staying because I have people I like in my guilds and I’d feel bad if I left. 

Eternium: Mage and Minions has made a big comeback with me.  I loved it and played every day, bought monthly gem packages and all that – and then an update came…(isn’t that always the way?)  The monsters were pumped up – the heros were not.  My formerly heroic fighter was suddenly being trampled by bosses she had already beaten three times or more.  Doesn’t help that she was one level away from having finished the game.  I wrote the admins, and quit playing. 

A few months after that, it became available to put on the computer, and the hubby downloaded it for me.  Because my first love of the game was – of course – the beautiful and detailed graphics.  It looks awesome on the big screen, I must say.  And the update has been updated.  The heros are heroic again!  They also added two entire new layers of levels.  Yesterday my heroic fighter finished the last stage of what is now only the “normal” game.  Now she’s got two more times to go through on Heroic and Legendary!  It is easier for me to play on the Kindle – so I’m back to a daily visit on the Kindle – and occasional visits on the computer just to drool at the pretty graphics. 

One thing I particularly appreciate about Mage and Minions, and Hungry Shark Evolution is that these games will play even without an internet connection.  This is a plus if you carry your Kindle everywhere like I do.

I recently added Bubble Witch Saga3 which I used to play on Facebook. For me, it hits that sweet spot of being something simple I can play to kill a few minutes, without trying to get the daily bonus or share gifts or any other sort of obligation to be there every day. A characteristic it shares with another Kindle favorite, Fishdom. While Bubble Witch is the typical bubble popping game, Fishdom is the typical match 3 game.  I’m very fond of both game types but these two are my current favorites.

Another game type that I am very fond of is Mahjongg – which is pretty obvious when you check out the many Mahjongg games on any device that I own.  But the king is Mahjong Journey which has kept me playing daily for over a year.  I may cuss some of the variations, but even then I keep playing knowing that I’ll like the next set of tiles better.  Right?

I mentioned Evilibrium, which I doubt I am any where near mastering but I do enjoy piddling around with it now and then.

I recently started playing Cat Story again.  It’s one of those sims where you build a village and then industries and blah blah blah.  I’m very near the end of it, so I’ve returned as part of that – I’m going to actually finish some games – thing.

I love hidden object games.  Hubby and I like to play them together, and they have made many a wait in an ER or clinic easier to bear.  Normally I shy away from those that require you to be online to play, but I did recently start playing Midnight Castle.  Yes, the graphics got to me.  Pretty.

PetWorld FREE isn’t really all that free.  It is if you only want the small animals that come with the first level of the game – you have to buy each animal on your way up, like dogs and cats.  That said, it isn’t expensive – a buck or two – and it isn’t like you can’t enjoy the game even if you don’t buy them.  Being the animal lover that I am, I get a warm fuzzy feeling feeding, watering, cleaning up, and adopting out pets.  What can I say?  I love the little noises the hamsters and guinea pigs make.  It’s sort of endless, mindless, and slow.  You’ve got to be someone who actually likes pets and sim games to get anything out of it. 

A new addition is Jewel Star, which is the closest I’ve found so far to Bejeweled for the Kindle.  I haven’t played it a lot yet, but it is proving itself as another one that is perfect for killing a few minutes waiting, when his name might be called any second so that I have to slam the Kindle shut and go be whatever and not get back for an hour or two. 

Old-games.com provided a few new (old) games that hubby installed on the computer for me, but I haven’t had time to get into them yet.  I’ll let you know if any of them become a favorite, and if I ever actually finish Cat Story, Horse Planet, and Mage and Minions, among others.  If you have a favorite game you think I would like – do please share!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay