This big beautiful blue full moon rising behind pink sunset clouds was so much prettier in real life than in any of the photos I tried to take. Like so many things, my camera and also this new used computer leave a lot to be desired and so this is the best of the bunch I took and shared the best way I can. And that's the story of 2016.
Doing the best we can with what we've got.
Although that isn't really what I intended to write about when I started this post.
My writing style simply is not for everyone. Try as I might, I really am not very good at light, bright, funny, happy little books. Even my sex stories lean to the dark side. In July I even started what I intended to be a really silly tale about fluffy bunnies and unicorns - and I wasn't three chapters in before we learned that fluff bunnies eat their babies.
It just isn't in me.
A dear friend with whom I had shared many long, insightful talks once described me to my face as always smiling and happy, but always with that shadow of sadness underneath.
I was shocked. I didn't think anyone could tell how sad I am underneath. After all, I don't admit it to myself most of the time. True, I had a really dismal childhood, and that has left me without the unconditional love of a family for my entire life.
Can't miss what you ain't never had. Can spend your life crying or laughing and I know which one I would much rather do. And who cares about that when you have kittens and dandelions and sunshine? And I am so very blessed to have the unconditional love of a good man - which is so much more than so many people ever get to have in their adult life. All that crap was almost fifty fucking years ago, after all. Get over it already.
But my writing clearly reflects that inner self - the one that says light and life and joy are all well and good, but there are bad, horrible, painful things in the world and lets not forget them. (I don't have to make up vampires or demons - real human beings are far more cruel and evil in my personal experience)
Pagan that I am, I believe that the light is far more enjoyable when you know there is also the dark. And in the dark - there are stars and planets and moons to enjoy. A little light always breaks through from somewhere, you just have to look for it. Snipers will tell you, most humans never look up.
But if you don't have the guts to look into the darkness, and maybe even risk dwelling in it for a while - maybe my books and stories are not for you.
And that's okay. Maybe someday I'll find my audience, and there will be more than ten people in it. I don't expect my audience to be everybody. Actually, there are probably more than a few readers out there who are sick to death of all happily ever after light and joyful books. I kind of get sick of them myself. I also don't like books that wallow in the darkness, or people who love to suffer and be victims (oh yes, you know there are some - I bet you know at least one).
It's like this. The darkness is there. Deal with it, and move on. You can choose to stand in the light or the darkness. But I can't pretend the darkness isn't there. When else would I get to see the moon shine and falling stars?