Monday, June 20, 2016

Excessive Insane Frustrated Rant


I am so tired of this shit. Hubby was up all night the last three nights unable to breathe. Coughing until he vomits Can't see taking him to ER - they never do anything for it anyway except admit him and keep him three weeks - last time we were lucky to get out alive. Every day there is a new reason for the shortness of breath - since the treatment for the last reason made no difference in his misery. I got a new one today! He is short of breath because his heart rate is elevated!!!! You know - the same heart rate he has had for, oh, about 25 years that I know of? Yeah, now IT is the cause of the shortness of breatg. Or maybe its the anema they caused by dialysizing him every day. Oh, they did that because the shortness of breath was caused by not enough dialysis.

Three months now - and we still have the original complaint of shortness of breath - still not resolved. But we have lost our life, our lifestyle, his health, 25+ pounds on him, dropped his blood pressure and caused total (temporary thank goddess) kidney failure, ruined us financially, and left me begging friends for money.

And... he is still short of breath. Took him to the PCP for it today. She sent him for an X-ray and made a new appointment with the caridologist we saw last Friday who said James is fine to wait to September. You see, they can't do the heart treatment because he is now on hemodialysis because the hospital stay and first hospitalers mistake cost us the PD catheter. The cardiologist can't do anything until he has a fistula in, healed, and working - and then they will put him on anticlotting so that it will be another YEAR before he can have a new PD catheter. Do you suppose that at any point in this process they will resolve his lack of breath enough for him to sleep without having to be actually sitting up at a 90 degree angle? And cough - oh, take something over the counter. It doesn't work but who cares. So he vomits up his dinner every night. Hey, damn, he's anemic and malnourished! He can barely eat for coughing and lack of breath, and now lack of sleep, and he throws up whatever he ate last - hey doggie - maybe THAT is what is CAUSING the shortness of breath?

We started out with an otherwise perfectly healthy guy who got short of breath one day.

Now he's half dead - and the shortness of breath, untreated, uncared for, the cough he has had for three years, getting worse, unaddressed - but the cause is certainly this or that or the other problem that we never had until he went to the hospital for the first problem which they never treated and which is getting worse.

I see. Guess he has run out his available time - time for Medicaid care - that is, just enough to look like care while they wait and hope you die very soon. Probably because we won't let them all make their big fat kickback off a transplant. Is this revenge because we made the best of our time, had a good life, managed our money well enough so we could travel and enjoy life in spite of his health problems? I am beginning to think this is our punishment. How dare we have a good life. Don't we know we were supposed to sink like a stone and die after World Com fucked us over? Go lay down in abject poverty and drink ourselves to death years ago. Happiness is only for the 1% you dumb fucks!

And Trump isn't going to come down from the mountain and give you a billion bucks because you voted for him, stupid. And you think Hilary cares? Her and her millionaire friends on Wall Street? You younger people who think, oh but they deserve what they got, they didn't do this or that or the other. You wait - because someday you are going to be right here, moving into our ghetto when your company "goes bankrupt" or you finally figure out that you aren't going to make millions on the internet.

I may be a little tired. I haven't slept for three days because I lay awake and listen to my husband heave, cough, struggle for breath, vomit, cough, gasp and hope that in the morning he is still alive and breathing beside me. Doesn't make for a good nights sleep. Or any sleep. I'd take him to the ER, but then I'd get to sleep on the floor by his hospital bed and listen to him heave, gasp, choke for breath and cough and cough and cough until he vomits - and have them waking him up every hour for vitals, and acting like who the hell do we think we are if he wants something for the cough. So they dole out a teaspoon of something that doesn't work. They might turn on his oxygen on low, but barely because he doesn't need it. His oxygen saturation is fine, so I guess he is imagining this desperate need for air. Meanwhile they'll poison him with medications that are ineffective and have side effects worse than his illnesses, dialysize him I guess until he vanishes completely, then say he's anemic and pump other people's blood into him (I saw one of his worse attacks ever right after a dialysis treatment where they gave him two units of blood) - but that will cure the shortness of breath.

Kinda losing what little tiny bit of faith I had in the medical profession.

Pray for him my friends, pray. If I could find a witch doctor or a native american shaman I would take him. They can't do any worse than these unfeeling bastards.


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