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Saturday, December 31, 2016

A Buffet of Nine Free Kindle Books

How are you doing this fine last day of 2016?  I'm working on finishing up a few things I intended to get done this year.  In my defense, all of my plans for this year have gone sideways due to the husbands unexpected health issues.  If I have one takeaway from 2016 it is that I will never make any kind of long term plan again.  All that business about affirming you will do this or that at a certain time has never worked for me, and yet I fall for it on a pretty regular basis.

At this point in my life I am affirming that my husband will be well today - and perhaps tomorrow.  That today I will make an effort to do something to increase my fitness level.  And that today I will do something to try and increase my trickle of writing income to a flood.

It is entirely possible you read this blog and have never picked up one of my books.  I limit myself somewhat by publishing only for the Kindle, but it is easier for me with my limited resources and time.  In hopes that you will give one of my books a try, and hoping - I admit - to catch the attention of those who might have gotten a Kindle for Christmas, I am offering a buffet of my books free for the next few days.  They run the gamut from oldest to, well, somewhat newer given I haven't published anything this year.  From hard core sex stories to children's fantasy.  Like with any buffet, grab yourself a Kindle and browse the table, taking a bit from this book or that one and maybe coming back for seconds.

1 - In A Heartbeat, a short story Although this was published some years ago, it is indicative of one line of writing I wish to pursue.  The thriller.  If you only have a few minutes to spare, this will take less than an hour of your time.  If I'm doing my job right this one hour will take you from a relaxing walk wondering at the beauty of nature, to adrenaline drenched fear.  Maybe you will be impressed enough to risk investing a bit more time in a novel by me.

In A Heartbeat - US 
In A Heartbeat - UK
In A Heartbeat - Canada
In A Heartbeat - Australia

2 - Moving On  Is the first novel I completed, published, and later published on the Kindle.  It is also a Nanowrimo novel - again, the first time I finished that goal as well.  Like many first novels, it is somewhat autobiographical - although I also borrow elements from other peoples stories that I have been told over the years.  So it is, but it isn't. If you are a nature lover, you will enjoy the quiet trip down the river, and if you are a kayaker and camper you will enjoy those aspects as well.  But I also got up on my soapbox and got in a few rants about things that bother me in this world; homelessness, our societies attitude towards the sex trade, among other things.  In a way, this book comes closest to a style of writing I admire - Dean Koontz.  In the midst of the most harrowing terror tale, he will sit down for a few paragraphs and talk sense about something that is nonsensical in our society.  And then get on with the fear.  I've always considered those little deviations the best part of his books.

That said, I haven't written anything remotely like it since - except perhaps One Woman, One Kayak, Bliss which is a series of short essays about my kayaking experiences.

Moving On - US
Moving On - UK
Moving On - Canada
Moving On - Australia

3 - Blue Dragonfly is the first in a planned series of children's science fantasy books.  That's me, breaking the genre barrier.  You see, it is powered by a fantastical character, Mr. Odon Ata, who is a very special kind of shape-shifter.  He has been almost any animal you can name and lived an entire life.  He has some marvelous (and otherwise scientifically accurate) stories to tell about animals.  The protagonist is a 10 year old boy named Tom who is being raised by a single mother.  The first book is about - you guessed it - dragonflies.

The idea for this was suggested to me by a wonderful old french fairy tale about a boy who hides in a cave and discovers it's magical powers by accident.  In the fairy tale the boy only turns into the cool animals - like bears - and the whole experience is summed up as "he was the mightiest bear in the forest" until he goes back into the cave, goes to sleep and wakes up as something else.  I really love old fairy tales, so expect more and more of them to be retold or used in bits here and there.

I am really proud of Blue Dragonfly because it has three five star reviews.  I do know one of the reviewers, but the other two are complete strangers.  No idea how they found my book or who they are.  But they felt it worthy of five stars.  Book Two is out (The Weaver) and Book Three is in process and has been all year.  I finally figured out what is wrong with it.  Only I could take three intriguing characters and write a boring story.  I believe I've got a fix for it - and it is tops on my list of things to do in 2017.

Blue Dragonfly - US
Blue Dragonfly - UK
Blue Dragonfly - Canada
Blue Dragonfly - Australia

4 - Cutting Away The Pain is a sex story.  A reader once told me it was a romance, and it is, but probably not the kind you are used to thinking of as a romance.  For one thing - I don't prissy boots around about sex.  I don't like euphemisms.  I think this book is by far and away the best sex story I've ever written.  It was inspired by a friend who asked me (I am well known as a dom) if there was ever a time I could have been a submissive instead.  After a few days of rolling that around in my head I knew there was one point in time, a turning point, when if one particular sort of person had stepped into my life everything would have been very different.  This little novella is not for the faint of heart but it is a story of hope and love.

Cutting Away The Pain - US
Cutting Away the Pain - UK
Cutting Away the Pain - Canada
Cutting Away the Pain - Australia

You will notice that my sex story pen name, Petit Morte, is on Cutting Away the Pain, as well as my real name.  If you want to find all of my sex stories, look at the Petit Morte author page.  And there is one other pen name you might be interested in.

5 - Trade is one of four gay m/m erotic short stories I have published on Kindle.  I was making quite a living for a little while writing short gay erotic short stories for actual m/m porn sites.  The Kindle books are under the pen name of Randall "Silver" Fox.  They were written for men who love men - before the universe knew about women who love men who love men, thus I am not too sure of their reception by that particular audience.  As always in my sex stories, less gushy romance, more hard sex with no bullshit.

Trade - US
Trade - UK
Trade - Canada
Trade - Australia

For the last few years I haven't written any sex stories and pretty much thought I was out of it.  But those little books just sell and sell and sell and sell.  And I do have the occasional idea float through my head.  Who knows?  Some of my best sellers are little "how to" sex books, and I could certainly easily write more of those.

So that said, I selected a few representatives of that body of work to put up for free for the next few days.  Feel free to sample. All these are U.S. links.


Naughty Wife at the Formal Dinner
How to give your Lover A Sexy Lap Dance
My First Time With A Woman
Fairy Wings

Now tomorrow, I will have one more freebie to share.

Meanwhile, go forth have a wonderful New Years celebration.  May many blessings be yours in 2017.

I'm staying up until midnight because I want to watch this fucking year die.  Die.  DIE.

2017 is going to be so much better - and more productive!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Thank you so much

Thank you so much.  You, the people who subscribe to my blogs on Kindle, the people who purchase my Kindle books, because of you I received ten dollars in the bank today.  And because of that ten dollars I was able to do a little food shopping and make sure my husband has the 8-12 ounces of protein he needs PER DAY on hemodialysis from now until his disability check comes in.

This has been a rough month in a rough year.  I got told yet again, a few days ago, that my husband is going to die.  Yeah, one of these days.  So are you, bitch.

But not yet!

We are hanging in there, and I'm sure you are, too.  2016 has been a hell of a year for so many of us, if only because of the genius creators who have left the world this year - people whose work we will miss dearly.

2017 is going to be better.  My numerology and astrology and gut feeling says so!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Friday, December 16, 2016

Reading About Writing

I'm a pantser, I admit it.  Things float to the top of the flotsam and jetsam in my mind and I write them down.  Sometimes they eventually link up and turn into something worth creating in a real novel or story form, other times it's just as well I lose lots of those bits of paper and files in my computer.

That said, for the last few years I've really been wanting to step up my game as a writer.  Both for financial reasons, and personal ones.  Like feeling like I really accomplished something or adding something to the world that might be of benefit tp somebody someday.

So I've been reading lots of books and blogs and articles and watching videos about writing.  I've tried different methods and software.  I believe my writing is getting better, and I'm certainly coming to some ways to be more productive.  Maybe someday I'll have something to publish and brag on (soon).

I haven't really shared all this process with you, dear readers, because I don't figure you really care about that part of a writer's life.  If I were a stablehand, would you really want to hear about the nuts and bolts of cleaning shit out of horse stalls?  (And yet shoveling shit is a very important and worthy job - one I have often had and loved).

But I read a blog post today that had me laughing my ass off, really, right here in the dailysis center waiting room.  If I didn't know they already think I am one crazy woman I'd be worried about their impressio nof me cackling away while looking at the computer.  I think anyone who READS knows where this blogger (and author) Kristen Lamb, is coming from.  I know I do and I've deleted many a book from my Kindle for these exact reasons.  Checking and rechecking my own work for these flaws is part of the long delay between publications you've grown used to.

Why The Reader Put That Book Down is a blog post you have to read, whether you are a writer or a reader.  At the least it will amuse you mightily, and at best perhaps it will make a few of us who write stop and think before we put our fantasies out there in front of an audience.

Thanks, Kristen Lamb, I needed a good laugh today!

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Not For Everyone

We might survive the rest of 2016 yet.

This big beautiful blue full moon rising behind pink sunset clouds was so much prettier in real life than in any of the photos I tried to take.  Like so many things, my camera and also this new used computer leave a lot to be desired and so this is the best of the bunch I took and shared the best way I can.  And that's the story of 2016.

Doing the best we can with what we've got.

Left.

Although that isn't really what I intended to write about when I started this post.

My writing style simply is not for everyone.  Try as I might, I really am not very good at light, bright, funny, happy little books.  Even my sex stories lean to the dark side.  In July I even started what I intended to be a really silly tale about fluffy bunnies and unicorns - and I wasn't three chapters in before we learned that fluff bunnies eat their babies.

It just isn't in me.

A dear friend with whom I had shared many long, insightful talks once described me to my face as always smiling and happy, but always with that shadow of sadness underneath.

I was shocked.  I didn't think anyone could tell how sad I am underneath.  After all, I don't admit it to myself most of the time.  True, I had a really dismal childhood, and that has left me without the unconditional love of a family for my entire life.

Can't miss what you ain't never had.  Can spend your life crying or laughing and I know which one I would much rather do.  And who cares about that when you have kittens and dandelions and sunshine?  And I am so very blessed to have the unconditional love of a good man - which is so much more than so many people ever get to have in their adult life.  All that crap was almost fifty fucking years ago, after all.  Get over it already.

But my writing clearly reflects that inner self - the one that says light and life and joy are all well and good, but there are bad, horrible, painful things in the world and lets not forget them.  (I don't have to make up vampires or demons - real human beings are far more cruel and evil in my personal experience)

Pagan that I am, I believe that the light is far more enjoyable when you know there is also the dark.  And in the dark - there are stars and planets and moons to enjoy.  A little light always breaks through from somewhere, you just have to look for it.  Snipers will tell you, most humans never look up.  

But if you don't have the guts to look into the darkness, and maybe even risk dwelling in it for a while  - maybe my books and stories are not for you.

And that's okay.  Maybe someday I'll find my audience, and there will be more than ten people in it.  I don't expect my audience to be everybody.  Actually, there are probably more than a few readers out there who are sick to death of all happily ever after light and joyful books.  I kind of get sick of them myself.  I also don't like books that wallow in the darkness, or people who love to suffer and be victims (oh yes, you know there are some - I bet you know at least one).

It's like this.  The darkness is there.  Deal with it, and move on.  You can choose to stand in the light or the darkness.  But I can't pretend the darkness isn't there.  When else would I get to see the moon shine and falling stars?

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Sunday, December 11, 2016

A Layman's Guide to Peritoneal Dialysis, looking for some first readers!

Several months ago I whipped out a layman's guide for peritoneal dialysis manuscript inspired by what I felt was a clear need for a simple, easy to read guide giving basic information about peritoneal dialysis for patients, their families, friends, caregivers, and the medical personnel who encounter peritoneal dialysis at work and have no knowledge about it.  Of course, much of the inspiration for that was because at the time my poor hubby was in and out of the hospital and I was constantly having to explain our needs for his peritoneal dialysis treatments to people who knew little or nothing about it.  Not that I mind, of course, but I could see there was a need for a little book or pamphlet even with the basics for people who don't need a six week course on the subject just to help us out for a day or two.

We were a little busy for the next few months until the hubby stabilized.  He is doing better now although there are still some things to sort out medically which I hope will be taken care of this month for the most part.

However, I am trying to get back into writing and even more so into finishing and publishing some of the many WIP floating around here.  I was actually looking for a different manuscript when I ran onto this one, and suddenly found myself writing, editing, fact checking, and polishing it up.

After all the medical folderol this year, I have my doubts as to whether I can speak intelligibly to anyone, especially about the medical issues we have been through.  So I have published this manuscript, A Layman's Guide to Peritoneal Dialysis on Wattpad.  I respectfully request that my beloved readers find a few minutes in their busy day to read through it, make comments here or there, let me know if it is clear, correct, understandable, and any questions you might have, or suggestions for this book before I give it a final polish and publish it on Kindle.  I think I might even put it on Createspace as well so it can reach a wider audience who might find it useful.

What do you think?  Thank you for your time.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Today A Heartfelt Thank You

Chronic Kidney Disease, which usually progresses eventually to End Stage Renal Disease, has a number of symptoms and effects that are not generally known or discussed - even by your medical professionals.
The body's largest excretory organ is the skin.  When your kidneys are not working well, your body will attempt to remove some of the toxins by pushing them out through your skin.  All of us who have ever been teenagers are well aware of what that will cause - acne - as well as other skin lesions.  Because of the action of removing toxins, even a minor skin "boo-boo" as we call them, can turn into a major mess.  
Almost all ESRD patients are forced onto Medicare.  This is because the cost of dialysis in the U.S.A. is so high that no matter what insurance you have, you will likely hit the payment ceiling in a matter of months.  At least here in New Mexico, NO dermatologist that I can locate accepts Medicare.  This means no medical care for your skin problems.
In spite of all this, my husband has remarkably nice skin for a kidney patient.  There are a number of reasons for this, some of which you might be willing to do, some of which might be too difficult or not worth it to you.
Which brings us in a roundabout way (but the explanation was necessary) to my thank you today.
For many years now we have been using a product from Nelsons, called Bach's Rescue Remedy Creme.  It is a homeopathic cream for the treatment of minor sores and skin irritations.  And it works.  It can close up a paper cut in a day.  (Don't you hate those?  Pain so out of proportion to the injury - and then every time you wash your hands, or do the dishes, or shower - ow ow ow!) Put on a zit and it makes it either head up and go away, or simply go away - again in only a day or two.  Same for most other sores, boo-boos, owies, and minor skin eruptions.  
But it is hard to find.  Don't ask me why.  Check your local health food outlets.  Ask them for it.  They can usually order it.  You can order it from Amazon, but the last time I did they they sent Rescue Remedy GEL.  Which is all well and good but that is for muscle aches and pains.  Not what I needed for the hubby.  All the health food stores here are out of Rescue Remedy Creme, and their distributors are out of it, and they MIGHT get some in January.  Possibly.  A few tubes.  
So in desperation, I wrote the parent company to ask if there was any way I could order directly.  I would happily buy a case or two if need be.  We'll use it.  Customer service emailed me back and told me to look all the places I had already told them I had already looked.  So, I admit, I wrote a pretty snarky email back asking if they had even read my first email - where I stated I had already checked all the local outlets.
A very nice lady wrote me back with sympathy.  She explained that even their warehouses are out right now.  But she had gone through the office and found several samples she was willing to mail to me if I would send my physical address.  Which I did.  The Rescue Remedy Creme arrived yesterday and the hubby and I both did a happy dance.  And then immediately dabbed some on the immediately accessible boo-boos.  (We were on our way to his dialysis appointment)
She also tucked in a bottle of their Rescue Remedy tincture - for the stressed out caretaker! 
Nelsons deserves a very big thank you. A thank you for being a kind and compassionate company that provides a good and important product that WORKS and for being willing to provide real customer service and even some kindness to a rather desperate customer - as well as understanding for my snarkiness.  You can find their website here: http://www.nelsonsnaturalworld.com/ and their products, well, if you are lucky!  
If you happen to be a kidney patient, or be caring for one, or know one - here's our full routine.  It works for us - but be aware that my husband has a somewhat different cause of his kidney disease (it is congenital) so if you choose to use all or any of it, be aware of your own particular needs and problems.  As always, I am not any kind of a medical professional and this should not replace actual advice from your doctor, etc.  
On a nightly basis before bed I use a fairly stiff vegetable brush.  I go over him from head to toe, following that with a rather rough washcloth to brush off the dead skin removed by the brush.  I put Bag Balm (in the big square metal can) on the lumps and scars.  It takes time, but it has actually made many of them go away completely.  Rescue Remedy Creme for active boo-boos, that is anything with a scab or that is open.  Heals them fast.  Then from head to toe again, a good moisturizer.  For those of us on low incomes, this is what I actually use.  The cheap Cocoa Butter moisturizer from Walmart (it's about $2 for a big bottle) mixed in my hand with a shot of Vitamin E oil (also about $2 at Walmart for a small bottle).  Massaging in the moisturizer also helps with blood circulation, keeping the edema (if there is any) from pooling in his ankles, and all the usual benefits of massage.  
The same routine wouldn't hurt any of us ;) but it is especially good for him. Maybe this will help someone and again - my gratitude to Nelson's for their kindness and caring.  And great products.
Blessedbe.
(No affiliation, no payment or commission - just unsolicited truth)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Wave bye bye to the nice #Nanowrimo2016

Well, I tried.  Poor Ming's cat tale of woe stalled out at 18,201 words.  That, at least, is finally an accurate count because I did spend a day gathering all the bits and bobs from the cloud and typing in the chapters that were handwritten in the notebook.  Because I originally set other WIP projects aside to work on something fresh for Nanowrimo, I find it fair that I now set Ming aside to return to those projects.

I am quite excited to start moving the current projects into Shaxpir.  Some of my WIP that were considered for Nano are literally scattered over several notebooks.  The WIP I set aside I believe will benefit considerably from being brought into Shaxpir for organizing and editing and rewriting.

So here is what I hope to accomplish in December.  Some of ongoing, some of it for this month.

Looking back, I see many months this year had only one entry in this blog.  And without even looking I can be pretty sure it is a rant about some quack or quirk of the medical system and their ongoing effort to kill my husband.  Man, it's been a hella year.  So one thing I would like to do is post here about six to eight times this month, and let them finally be posts about progress and writing and other interesting things.  

I have concluded I rather like the Wattpad platform, and I will be finally finishing the first story arc for Serendipity there (a lightish animal lovers New Mexico based mystery series).  I will be continuing my bloggish essays for A Mile In My Moccassins.  And I am still playing with the idea of another series or two I may publish at Wattpad.  I don't know if it will really help that much as far as book sales.  My attitude about - I write for a living, why on earth would I give away my writing - has adjusted.  Because of my Reiki studies, partially.  Among other things.  I don't know really how to explain it, so I'm not going to try right now.  Maybe later.

Much of my time vanishes into reading, gaming, anime, drawing, and of course studies (Reiki, Japanese, Origami) and now that I live literally a few blogs from a bead shop it is almost inevitable that I will soon be beading again as well.  It would be nice if I could find a good outlet to sell some of my crafts that isn't more trouble than the few pennies I profit is worth.

Speaking of pennies, I still work at the Mechanical Turk, too, of course. I try to make about a dollar a day there, which can take anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours. Pathetic, I know, but then it actually comes to more per month than my Kindle sales!  I really truly cannot leave my husband alone, or be unavailable to him, for any period of time now - so it is what it is.

I'd really like to increase my Kindle income to a point that I could conceivably live on it if I had to.  I don't need much.  And it would help us replace and repair some of the many material things that went to hell this year.

My current WIP include: a complete rewrite for the third book in the Blue Dragonfly series, the ongoing edit/rewrite of A Coyote, A Tanuki, and a Kitsune, and a non-fiction book about peritoneal dialysis for laymen and the many, many, many medical professionals who don't know a thing about it.  It needs a couple of sections added, a fact check, and rewrite and edit.

I continue to write for the Jigsaw Puzzles blog as articles come available (mostly its newsy these days), as well as the Bird Watchers Notebook - New Mexico.  Hopefully all of my blogs will get a bit more attention this month, and into next year.

Meanwhile on the personal front, the husband is improving and recovering slowly but surely.  The cardiologist has surgery he wants to do once dialysis is going well, as does the hematologist/oncologist.  Dialysis is going better, although it is still a bit short of the standard.  All we can do is wait while this fistula finishes maturing - in spite of the fact that it has been forced into being in use early.  And hope we can manage to keep him out of the hospital and away from the hospitaler doctors.  A few PCPs that do rounds at the hospital were suggested to me, but after I did some research on them and spoke to their offices, we concluded they were as bad or worse than the hospitalers provided to us.  The best we could hope for would be neglect.  So - let's just hope and pray and affirm that we're going to keep him out of the hospital altogether.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for caring.  Have a good holiday season.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay


Friday, November 18, 2016

Nanowrimo2016 Shaxpir and all that jazz

 I am, I am, I am still writing on Nanowrimo 2016 novel, now temtatively titled (on my Shaxpir) Ming, the Kinky Tailed Cat.  To tell the truth, I can't tell you EXACTLY how many words are in the novel because it's partially in Shaxpir, partially on my Google Drive, and partially handwritten in the notebook you see me holding down there.  But I will admit I am well behind the goal, no matter how you count words.  At this point I have to admit I am fairly sure it isn't going to hit 50K or be finished by the end of November.  It will no doubt be set aside with the million other WIP, which is where it came out of anyway.  December I want to jump into the rewrite of the third book of the Blue Dragonfly series, as well as finishing up Serendipity on Wattpad, and the first draft edit on Nanowrimo 2014 (A Coyote, A Kitsune, and a Tanuki) and a few other projects I'd like to finish and publish, either on Kindle or Wattpad.
And in case that wasn't enough to keep me busy, I have started a winter project.  In case you don't know me that well, some years ago I started choosing some project or other - something new I want to learn - to engage my brain over the cold, closed in winter months.  This year with all the transition going on, I had decided I wanted to simply work on improving previous projects - learning Japanese, and practicing some more advanced Origami.  I was tossing around another idea or two, though, of course.  Then I ran onto an opportunity to learn Reiki at a price I could afford.  With high hopes that I will be able to improve the husbands health, and at least reduce some of his pain (since we cannot afford to get pain medication for his arthritis) I purchased the course and have started on it.  I am really glad that I did, because I think it is making significant improvements in my inner life, at the very least, and therefore probably in everyone's outer life around here.  Hubby says, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Oh yeah, I meant to also mention that I downloaded and have been using Shaxpir on my Nanowrimo novel.  I have fallen in love with it, because it lets me write the way I write, especially on WIP.  I can jump in, write a scene, or make a quick note of an idea, without any hassle or having it take longer to wrestle the software than to jot the idea in a notebook.  Speaking of notebooks (and I have about six right now with notes in them) Shaxpir lets you create a notebook for each novel with jottings of idea, info, websites, whatever.  Again, really works with my dart here, dart there, style of research and thinking.  This software simply suits me perfectly.  In December I plan to sit down and put the current WIPs into it, to finish, rewrite, and edit.  And then the ones after that, and the ones after that.  I think after many years, and many notebooks and softwares I've found the one for me.  I haven't gone to the website or browsed the forums or any of the rest of it.  Haven't tried the conversion to ebook function yet.  But as far as it goes, this is my review so far and I do recommend Shaxpir if you've got a pinball machine for a brain like I do.

It's time for us to get our shit together, disconnect the RV, and take him over to the dialysis clinic.  These photos of me in the dark - that's me working while he is having dialysis.  I have this little wonder LED light I charge all day so I can see to work in the RV after dark.  The hubby sat down and did some work on the Chromebook today so MAYBE it will concede to not only let me write, but will actually SAVE my writing (so far it's simply eaten 5 or 6000 words because it gets pouty when it doesn't have Internet).  And if it goes haywire or runs out of charge - I have my trusty little kitty notebook and some pretty pens.  Ain't nuthin gonna stop me.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay


Thursday, November 17, 2016

Turn the Page


Bob Seger's Turn The Page is one of my all time favorite songs.  I've done a bit of traveling and working myself and I am familiar with that sense of being alone in a crowd.  
That said, I also believe that there are times in your life when you need to turn the page and move on.  Some people find that suspicious for some reason.  Others think I never do it soon enough.  Good thing I don't live for anyone's approval but my own.  Growing up with no approval, ever, from the ones who should love and encourage you will do that.  You grow up knowing you'll never be able to make anyone else happy with you - so you don't try to.  
2016 has been a pretty horrible year for us.  Truly one of the worst since my hubby and I have been together.  But there are signs of hope now.  A glimpse or two of daylight coming our way.  There have been some very major changes, but we are adjusting.  Transitions are always rocky roads to travel.  Some more than others.  
We are starting to talk about the future.  The next few months, the new few years.  We are winnowing away the emotions and keeping the lessons learned.  Although we have lost quite a few things from material things to health to friendships this year - we have not lost our dreams.  They have simply endured a bit of adjustment.  Instead of settling down in five years or so - we will be settling down temporarily where we are at.  And then doing a little more traveling, we hope, to find a new place we love to settle and buy land.  We have always dreamed of our own self sufficient little farm when we were ready to settle down.  That time seems to be now, rather than five years or more into the future as we had planned.
But then, we make plans and the gods laugh.
Because of new higher expenses, I really need to increase my income from my kindle publications, so forgive me if I get a little self-promoting for a bit.  We need the money if we are to have the life we deserve and desire.  I don't think we ask for much - but right now we are barely able to afford survival.  That needs to change.  
Thanks for hanging in there and reading my words.  I hope once in a while I say something that gives you joy, happiness, or even contains a nugget of wisdom.  
Blessedbe
(Cross posted on Wattpad)

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Determination/#Nanowrimo

The latest clinic fiasco landed the husband back in the hospital yesterday.  They drew 2.2 liters of fluid off his lungs today.  And did dialysis.  The good news is they did an ultrasound and the fistula is fine, and the clot is shrinking.  The only problem with the fistula is it is immature, small and not ready to run at full tilt boogie so some tech can get home a little earlier.  He had dialysis in the hospital today and it worked fine - slower with a smaller needle but fine.

We did have a knock down drag out with another hospitaler doctor who wanted to leap into massive immediate intervention on the heart failure.  Informed her we were still trying to recover from the last massive immediate (and unnecessary) intervention six months ago.  She didn't want to take no for an answer.  The hospitaler - a general MD who has known him two days, say 30 minutes at most, and clearly has not even read through his records, wants to force us to have cardiology care our cardiologist says is not necessary and that we know  from bitter experience causes my husband severe harm. 

We had seen the hubby's own cardiologist the day before  and he told us he has a plan and wanted to wait a little bit longer to make sure dialysis was going well before implementing it.  He gets it.

Hubby MIGHT have a heart attack, although it is very unlikely.

Hubby WILL die without dialysis.

The unnecessary cardiology treatment WILL make it impossible for hubby to have dialysis. This is not a "maybe" we KNOW this from bitter miserable experience.

What is hard to understand here?

The hospitaler after an argument that eventually had us shouting at her and the nurse she brought in to help her bully us left shaking her head over how we are willing to risk a slight possibility of heart attack (which apparently is so minimal his own cardiologist is not worried about it) just because we want him to be able to have dialysis (that is - live).

She accused us of risking his life - to convince us, really almost trying to force us, to do something that we KNOW FOR A FACT RISKS HIS LIFE and is UNNECESSARY 

/rant

bottom line: He's better.  The anitcoagulant is working.  The fistula is fine.  Talking about sending us home tomorrow!

But before we had that talk...I had to get out of the room so they could do dialysis earlier today.

You know that family and caretakers disturb the etheric vibes that make magic dialysis machines work so they have to get at least a mile away from the patient before the techs can do dialysis.  AHEM.  (You know those cutsey poo pics of the grandchildren gamboling on the bed while grandma smiles and gets her dialysis?  Total bullshit) 

I used to assist with his peritoneal dialysis but now I can't even be in the same room with the hemodialysis machine.  

 Anyway...

I took a walk up to a store and bribed myself shamelessly for #Nanowrimo.  I bought a new notebook with a screaming cat on the front (it's a cat story).  New gel pens, nice thick ones with soft pads for old arthritic knuckles like mine.  And a bag of my favorite fancy cookies that I never buy for myself because they're pricey.

Once all the doctors and nurses and techs were done running in and out and poking and prodding and arguing and threatening and my poor husband dozed off I managed to write 1800 words more or less,  I counted the words on 3 pages, averaged it, multiplied that to the 18 pages done. Written in my increasingly sloppy and arthritic longhand.  I hope I can read them later!  But at least I did get started.  Mostly sort of prologue, I think.  Still have a few prep things I want to do like research some cat trivia to make sure I have it correct and make a list of things that can happen, and maybe even (try not to die of shock) plot.  I mean, really, like written out and stuff.  I'm a hard core pantser but I'm also prone to great starts, slower middles, no endings...I'd like to actually finish a few things this year. Never mind editing I never do because I see the need for a massive rewrite (no plot) and faint.

With any luck, sometime tomorrow we will be home and I can write on a real computer for the rest of the month in between some more doctors appointments, dialysis, some medical and real life research, and some decision making we need to be doing. Now that the hubby is feeling better we can consider some alternatives now and we need to because it is becoming increasingly clear that some of the care he is receiving is doing more harm than good. And we are going to talk to the cardiologist about moving up his planned timetable.  Not because hubby needs it - but because we've got to get these hospitaler idiots off our backs.  The most stressful part of this whole stay has been the argument over treatment he does not want or need from someone who is not qualified to provide it.


(Don't these people take some sort of oath - first, do no harm? No, wait, maybe that's the Wiccan Rede, An Ye Harm None...guess they don't honor that one either)







Monday, October 31, 2016

Obviously it is ALL OUR FAULT

Happy Halloween - we got a trick. I've been mad so long that the whole situation is funny, in a macabre sort of way.


So 30 minutes into James' dialysis tonight I text him "u ok" because I can see him in the window and he looks furious. He texts back that he is in pain, the alarm on the machine has been going off continuously for 30 minutes, and they are trying to run the machine faster than the new, unmatured fistula is able to go. I ring the bell at the door and ask for MJ, the supervisor. A nurse answers, says she will get MJ. I wait 30 minutes. The nurse returns and says MJ is on the phone. I tell her they are running the machine too fast, she tells me no, it's by doctors orders. They never do it wrong. I already happen to know this is a total lie. James Moore is one of their last patients and they have repeatedly cut his treatments short so they can leave. As a results his Kt/V is now very low (he is not getting good dialysis). I wait another 30 minutes. James and I text a few times and in fear that the fistula will be damaged, he tells them to stop his treatment and let him go home. No fistula = no dialysis = death in about a week to ten days. Maybe sooner with the heart failure now. However, they have already given him heparin so he won't clot their machine, plus he is now on an anticoagulant - so they can't get him to stop bleeding once he is off the machine. MJ finally comes into the office and sees I am in the waiting room. She smiles and asks if I am still mad.


No. Really.


I ask her what is going on and she tells me that they would NEVER EVER run a machine too fast (ROFLMAO) and that they were using the right size needle and running it at 350 which it would do last week, but now it will not even run at 250 so they just don't know what to do. (Admit the access is failing and needs to be fixed or replaced? NOOOOOO Not that!) She can't understand why James is so angry. I mention he was in a bad mood when he came in because he wanted to go to the bathroom before a four hour non-stop treatment. When he went to the bathroom in the waiting room there was no toilet paper. When he went to the bathroom in the treatment area it was covered in shit and he adamantly refused to use it. This, by the way, is typical in this clinic. Filthy bathrooms with no toilet paper. In the treatment area. A filthy sink he is expected to wash his fistula in so they can see he cleaned it!!!! FILTHY. But I mention he and I had also had an argument earlier in the day - you see, he is getting bad dialysis and he is toxic, and we are out of food, money, and his Pepsi. So then it was ALL MY FAULT because we argued and he was in a bad mood.


The fistula is failing because we had a martial spat.


Then it was our fault because he is a PEPSI ADDICT. Emphasis on ADDICT. The fistula is failing because he is an ADDICT.
(Ignoring their own sure knowledge that he has previously quit Pepsi several times, each time proving that it makes no difference in his blood phosphorus levels - and that clearly it is not an ADDIC TION).


So he gets out and I ask for a print out of the treatment. 30 minutes later I finally gave up and left without it since no one would answer rings at the door, and no one was in the office. Medical clinics really don't like to give you print outs they know you can read and point out THEIR FUCKING MISTAKES.


Now what do I do? He can't have dialysis. I cannot call his kidney doctor because now all communication with her has to be through the dialysis clinic (this is a rule). They said they called her and he should limit his fluids.


Yes, care for End Stage Renal Disease by limiting his fluid. I have to wonder what they told her? Surely not that the fistula HAS FAILED and HE NO LONGER HAS AN ACCESS FOR DIALYSIS because, I dunno, she might have asked for some tests or called the surgeon?


No, we're told to come back Wednesday for his regular treatment.


HOW HOW HOW are they going to do that, since they are telling me the FISTULA IS NOT WORKING?


So, I am not allowed to call the kidney doctor. The clinic says it is my fault (of course). Now what do I do? He has no dialysis access and I cannot contact anyone who can order any kind of tests or examination or some sort of new access.


In a few days he'll fail and be back in hospital and you know what they will say then. ITS OUR FAULT FOR NOT GOING TO HIS DIALYSIS TREATMENT.


I don't understand what the point is of crippling along with poor or no access until he is near death. We have been going through that ONCE A MONTH if not more often all year. They know the access is bad, but instead of addressing that they give him a poor treatment, tell him to limit fluids, and send him home. They give him progressively worse dialysis until either they cannot get the access to work at all - or he ends up in the hospital with fluid on his lungs and you know the VERY FIRST THING we are accused of - is not going to his treatments.


In SIX YEARS we have NEVER MISSED ONE SINGLE DIALYSIS TREATMENT EVER.


NEVER.


NOT ONE.
But it is always the FIRST thing we are accuesd of - it is OUR FAULT he doesn't get dialysis.

Maybe I am still mad. After all, they sent him home with basically no dialysis. He may die in the next few days.


But it will be OUR FAULT.

Because THEY never make a mistake.  NEVER.  EVER.  So it must be OUR FAULT.

We don’t cannulate the fistula.  We don’t’ run the machine.  We do everything they tell us to do exactly as we are told to do it. But if anything goes wrong, obviously it is OUR FAULT.


At some point mother fuckers it has to be YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING FAULT.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

#Nanowrimo - I changed my mind

I love morning glories.  They are one of my all time favorite flowers.  I found this beauty growing bravely out of a pile of discarded tree trimmings down the alley from my home.  It reminded me that even when things seem dead and destroyed - there is beauty and hope.

A reminder I really needed this year.

With that said - the top news is the husband has had several good dialysis treatments.  His blood pressure is staying up and the fistula is working well.  We've knocked out most of the follow up doctors appointments and (knock on wood) he has managed to stay out of the hospital for 30 days in a row so far.  I'm shooting for one whole calendar month with no hospital days now.

Did you wonder what happened to the #PoweredbyIndie campaign?  I got to wondering if it was doing me any good to use the hashtag and make little posts at Facebook and Twitter, so I went to look at my book sales.  Hot diggity!  A spike!  I dug down to find out which book has been selling.  It's this one:


Something with no mention, no advertising, and under my pen name at that!  So after I picked myself up off the floor from laughing I quit bothering with that particular little campaign. 

Now for #Nanowrimo.  Yes, I changed my mind.  I've never done fanfic for various reasons.  One of them is that there isn't any money or potential money in it.  Sure, I might get some fans, but I'm not even sure that would transfer to people who would buy my books on Amazon.  It worked for housewife porn, but I don't really write porn any more - by choice.  

But another part of the decision was this.  Moving from the old computer to the new(er) one brought home again how many works in progress I have floating around here - from a single line with a bright idea saved in notepad, to 30,000 words or more lacking a proper ending or in need of editing.  (I hate to edit) Do I really want yet another new WIP plopped onto the computer to stew for five or six years or more?  

So I've decided to grab one of those WIP - one that is little more than bits and snatches of ideas, dialogue, good intentions and in one or two cases something resembling a plot - and make it my Nanowrimo novel.  As much as I've read about people who are working up plots, doing up character sketches and other small prep tasks for Nanowrimo novels, I figure this clearly doesn't count as using a prior novel and believe me, I have plenty of WIP that are little more than that.  

In fact, I have a big loose leaf notebook with four WIP done largely in long hand during last winter when for a time I did not have a working computer available.  So I am leaning towards one of those or...here's a biggie...the next book in the Hunters of Men series, which exists almost entirely in my head at this point.  I've had a couple stabs at it and get depressed and quit.  It's a big job.  But maybe if I can tempt a Nano friend or two into word sprints I'll get it well started enough to force myself through.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to finish up Serendipity over at Wattpad.  It has about two chapters to go.  I have to admit though, I'm enjoying it and can see how it could easily go on and on and...  so maybe it will.  And I think I finally have solved the doldrums the third book of the Blue Dragonfly series is in.  At last, a plot!  I've got a week to rewrite and finish that baby and then I hope to publish and maybe even spring for some advertising.  The first book in the series has five unsolicited five star ratings - surely that counts for something?  Maybe it will give me a chance against people with more money to spend to buy reviews and awards and publicity?  I can but hope.  (Looks up at the morning glory...)

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay 


Sunday, October 16, 2016

#PoweredbyIndie and #Nanowrimo

One of the great things about being #PoweredbyIndie is I can easily publish my #Nanowrimo novels for free.  At the moment, I have two #Nanowrimo novels that are now available on the Kindle:


Moving On is my first Nanowrimo novel, although hardly my first novel. It is the first that survived me and my mental blocks to be written, edited, and finally published! Like most first novels it is vaguely autobiographical - pretty vaguely though. It was more of a platform for me to turn lose of a few rants and pet peeves as well as to celebrate my love of kayaking and nature. As such, I really haven't written anything like it since - but I probably will eventually.

  Bloodline was a massive project of a serial killer novel. It was intended to be the first of a major saga about this family who is more or less attempting to breed themselves as a superior human - the human predator to our human sheep. It got a really vicious review - by someone who has written a number of very nasty reviews of anything that isn't housewife porn - but it disenheartened me and I haven't returned to the series since. I, personally think it has a ton of potential, but writing it was a chore. I have enough work in my life right now, so I've been mainly writing sort of fun (for me) stuff like the light mystery Serendipity over at Wattpad.

There are a number of other #Nanowrimo novels in various stages of finishing and editing that I hope will make it out to the world someday.  Of late I've been sticking with the 'keeping it light' theme and writing a lot of work based on the amusing bits of life in New Mexico, and inspired by my love of anime.

And with that, I have decided this year for #Nanowrimo to do something I have never ever done before.  I am going to write fanfic for one of my favorite animes.  You have no idea how scared I am.

Now if I could just decide which one.  Natsume Shou Jin Cho?  Silver Spoon?  My Interesting Life?  Mushi-shi? The Morose Mononokean?  XXXholic?  Hozuki no Reitetsu?  Most of those are very episodic, so they would make a very easy #Nanowrimo project.  I could pretty much work my way through the dares thread and come up with one little story after another for them.  Of course, as far as publication they are a zero.  Probably if I like it they will go up on Wattpad or maybe a fanfic site.  Still, it is something new, something fun and something pretty easy.  I've had more than enough uphill and against the wind days this year!

Speaking of which, the hubby is out of the hospital.  He spent about a week, as usual, but for once he was actually not critically ill beyond the first few days.  Everyone simply took advantage of the fact that he was off the anticoagulants (the first set of which was not working - as he did clot the fistula but they did manage to save it) to do this and that and the other invasive testing.  The end result is that the fistula is now working for his hemodialysis treatments (so far) thus we don't have any more of that once a week surgery excitement when he clots off a permacath.  The cardiologist got to do their angiogram and discovered his coronary arteries and veins - in their words - look great!  The heart valve is still very leaky (working at 20% of a possible 60%) but it has been decided to try and control the heart condition with drugs only at this time.  We had another try at a heart drug that once again dropped his blood pressure into the basement.  As always, this made him feel awful, as well as endangered the fistula, what's left of his kidneys, and makes it near impossible for him to have dialysis.  So we are off that drug and he is slowly recovering some blood pressure.  All in all, he is actually feeling pretty good now.  Walking again, doing little projects to the motor home, and generally enjoying life.  We are scheduled for a dozen follow up doctor's appointments but we hope mainly to take it easy, get him stabilized and maybe get to stay out of the hospital and develop a little life and routine again over the next few months.  I had to look up the dates this month - you realize he has been in the hospital for at least a day, more commonly a week or two, every single month this year since March? Poor guy.

Most of the time we have very little or no Internet.  There is something in this location that cuts down the bandwidth and speed on our Verizon 3G Wifi to slower than dial up.  It is purely the location, as when he takes it to the clinic and uses it during his dialysis treatment, it has great speed.  We love our new location though - and it is much more affordable so far.  We tried to have a regular Internet cable put in and was told they could not service it because we do move the motor home almost daily between dialysis and follow up doctors appointments.  So to get good Internet again - we need to buy a car!  This may take a little while!  So if you aren't seeing me on line very often, this is the reason.

As always, doing the best we can with what we've got.  And you know - I don't actually need Internet to write or draw...although I do need it to share it with you, dear readers. I'm sure I'll find a way ;)

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Not one of our better days

Yesterday was not one of the best days in my life.
We got a good start, but when I started Firefly up to take him to the Coumadin clinic, the brake light came on. We checked and were low on brake fluid.
I climbed up to the rooftop storage to get our brake fluid out - and someone has stolen everything from that storage. Seriously. Someone paid enough attention to see we were not in the Firefly (as we live there, that's unusual enough) and it was someone who knows enough about RVs to climb the ladder, get on the roof, open the storage, and then steal a half bottle of brake fluid, and a half jug of oil. That's it. (Fortunately, pretty much all that was in there) I'm more hurt and disappointed than anything else. Especially since it has to have happened in the last two weeks, and almost HAS to have happened while Firefly was sitting in front of a hospital or dialysis clinic, or doctors office.
She was still stopping (good ol gal) so we took him to his clinic appointment laughing about people cutting in front of five tons of Detroit steel with no brakes. We planned to get some brake fluid on the way home. Only we didn't go home.
Instead we took James to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital.
He has fluid on one lung making it difficult for him to breathe.  Apparently just one of those things with congestive heart disease.  We may be here all weekend, though, as they have to wait for the warfarin to leave his system enough to do minor surgery and drain the lung.  Meanwhile, with the warfarin getting out of his system, I'll be holding my breath hoping he doesn't clot either the permacath now being used for hemodialysis off or clot the still maturing fistula and ruin it.  Life is such fun.
Definately not one of our better days :P

Friday, September 9, 2016

I am grateful for you

Thank you, dear readers, for hanging on with me through thick and thin, sickness and health, travel and stagnation. Last months Amazon money was the most it has been in a long time - from book sales and blog subscriptions.  That is such a great help to us now.  Thank you.

In general, things are improving for us.

The husband is steadily recovering from the dis-ease caused by the hospitaler doctor's mistakes and reaching a new point of equilibrium.  We have many days to go before he will return to his former health, if ever.  That said, the end of this month will see more testing and finally actual treatment for the problem that took him to the hospital in March of this year.

That's right - we've spent six month recovering from the "treatment" and now maybe he can get some treatment that is correct for him given his preexisting problems.  Some of which are now worse - because of the treatments prescribed by a doctor who didn't know him, wouldn't listen to us, etc.  But we are trying to put that behind us now and move forward.

My dear MIL has gifted me with a newer (used) computer to replace my poor old desktop.  I'm working on teaching the new machine to write, draw, edit photos, blog, and in general do the things I do.  Okay, I taught it to find Crunchyroll (for anime) and WRCPlus (for rally racing) first but hey...

So I am in the process of going through and moving files from the old computer to either the external harddrive or to the new computer.  As I find things I think you might enjoy, I will share.

Like for instance, all these pretty pictures of New Mexico sky.












 You suppose God is mad at them in that church for some reason?  Sorry I couldn't resist.

I shall be here - uh - when I'm here for the next few weeks, but I hope to be able to resume something like a normal life with a normal blogging schedule sometime this year.

But I am kind of off making "plans" these days.  Seems like it makes the gods fall over laughing, and then when they get up they rearrange them in such as way as to cause maximum misery.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay



Friday, July 29, 2016

What a long, strange trip it's been

At last the husband is improving.  Slowly, but surely.  The cough was finally largely resolved by the GI doctor - it was caused by husband's chronic heartburn of many years.  The shortness of breath has several contributing factors, but now that I've been able to keep the man out of the hospital for a few weeks and getting good dialysis, it is largely resolved as well.  He is on hemodialysis for the foreseeable future, and scheduled to have a new fistula put in on August 3rd - coincidentally our 26th Anniversary.  He has now lost over 30 pounds since this began but he is able to eat again now so there is hope.  If you are up to a day by day blow by blow account, check out my Facebook page where I keep the latest updates for the benefit of my husbands many friends and family around the world.

With his slow improvement, I have been able to begin to write a little now and then.  I may even actually finish my Camp Nanowrimo July project by the end of July.  Today is the first peaceful day in weeks where we do not have a doctor's appointment, dilaysis, or diagnostic test scheduled.  Since those lovely mechanics decided to fuck us over royally and ruin our small car, we have only the motorhome as transportation.  Unhooking and packing the home takes about an hour, then drive a 5 ton vehicle to the appointment and trying to park it, drive it home and hook back up and unpack.  Due to his general weakness, the hubby helps as much as he can, but it is largely my responsibility.  It has been incredibly hot, over 100 degrees F most days, and this means that food in the refrigerator spoils rapidly since it is turned off for a few hours a day, and it is nearly impossible to get the home/vehicle comfortably cool with the air conditioner and fans off for several hours a day - often in the afternoon.  I am so glad, and so grateful for this big Dodge though - every single time I turn the key this baby STARTS.  And IF anything goes wrong - James or I have the knowledge to do the repairs ourselves, rather than get fucked over by theiving unscrupulous mechanics again.

They fucked us over, knowing well that my husband was disabled and, for a time, seriously ill.  Heartless bastards.

That said, a very kind man - who owned a used car lot - gave me more than the little car was worth to purchase it, even though it was clearly not running properly at the time, and included a ride back to where the motorhome was parked (the mechanics were letting me WALK back and forth several miles during the heat).  The cash was welcome, since staying in town has demolished our budget, not to mention needing to purchase the extremely high protein diet the husband must have to recover and do dialysis, and the constant purchase of medications.  We daily fall deeper into debt, unpaid bills, etc. and since his income clearly isn't going to change (unless Trump gets in and cuts it off completely) I don't know that we will ever recover financially.  At least we are not and never will be homeless as long as we have the Firefly!

It would certainly help if I could get a minute free now and then to do some writing and editing, and get a few top selling books out on Kindle :D As it is, I am at least making a buck or two on the Mechanical Turk.  I'd love to do some day labor - but of course, between daily doctors and his health, I really cannot work a full day anywhere ever.  We are hoping for improvement on that front, but until then -

I am writing a semi-silly serious fantasy about Fluffy Bunnies and rainbows and unicorns (actually the unicorns aren't in it yet - but might arrive today).  When that's done I have some things I want to work on on Wattpad that might bring me a reader or two, while I edit and groom some long finished works and try to get them published.  If anyone feels like donating editing I won't turn you down *wink*.

Part of my problem is I only have the Chromebook now, which does not read or work with word .doc files which is what all my books are in.  There's a bit of mechanics involved in getting the Chromebook to speak to the external harddrive that the books are on as well.  And, of course, the Chromebook doesn't have any kind of text editor I can use to convert for Kindle.  I desperately need a new computer, a real laptop.

Which brings us to a project I put up at FeedtheMuse.net months ago and have never been able to promote due to - well, RL issues you're well aware of.  If you would like to help us out - and a new laptop for me would go a long ways towards that - please donate, and/or share this widget on your pages.  The little fan reward is simply a bit of origami by me - a hobby of mine.


Spread the word! Copy and paste this code into your page to display the Feed The Muse widget.


A little help would go a long way for us now.  A little hope would go even further.  Hope that I can increase our income with my writing and my art.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay