I have a good life. I don’t have a lot materially, although I have most of what I want and all of what I need. I don’t have a big, loving family like some people – but there are also times when I’m not sure that is a blessing. Most of all, I try to put out nothing but positive, happy energy and emotions.
To some people that is a threat, some even take it as offensive, and to the worst of people it is a screaming red light signaling “VICTIM”. Those people, at least, I’ve learned to handle (spin to face them, growl, and then run like hell). The people who view it as a threat, or offensive, give me a great sense of dismay. Being me, I tend to look at myself and think – what have I done?
Well, the fact is, I haven’t done anything wrong. For once it isn’t all about me. sorry all you LoA and New Agers – but sometimes it is the other person, the outside situation, and not simply a reflection of my inner self – but a picture of theirs..
What I have done wrong is misjudge someone. Because I did not learn social skills growing up, this is all too common for me. Distinguishing people who are troubled, who like to stir up drama, who aren’t actively EVIL but who aren’t all that good either is a lot more difficult (especially for me) than recognizing the signs of psychopaths and abusers.
Sometimes the best thing I can do – for myself – is to withdraw to my little Cancerian shell. Write, draw, play in my own little corner.
I’m a nice person. It’s pretty easy to suck me into something that seems fun, a situation where it seems like I can contribute, a relationship that appears to be friendly. But I am not equipped to play people games. Never learned them. They make me nuts – seriously. The longer I play, the harder I try to be myself and do right, the worse it seems to get.
It is Autumn. The season of turning within. Of changing from the outward, outside, outdoors activities, to crafts and creation and meditiation, dreams, and visions. From social, to solitude.
So, with all due respect to others and nothing but good feelings to you all – I’m going back to my cave now. For my sake, for the sake of those closest to me, and for the sake of the rest of you as well.
Mind you, this may look odd from here. While I am in my cave, it is not unusual for artwork and written pages to be tossed out of the entrance now and then. Depending on how you know me, it may appear that I am more active than usual, rather than less. Just sayin.