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Friday, July 29, 2016

What a long, strange trip it's been

At last the husband is improving.  Slowly, but surely.  The cough was finally largely resolved by the GI doctor - it was caused by husband's chronic heartburn of many years.  The shortness of breath has several contributing factors, but now that I've been able to keep the man out of the hospital for a few weeks and getting good dialysis, it is largely resolved as well.  He is on hemodialysis for the foreseeable future, and scheduled to have a new fistula put in on August 3rd - coincidentally our 26th Anniversary.  He has now lost over 30 pounds since this began but he is able to eat again now so there is hope.  If you are up to a day by day blow by blow account, check out my Facebook page where I keep the latest updates for the benefit of my husbands many friends and family around the world.

With his slow improvement, I have been able to begin to write a little now and then.  I may even actually finish my Camp Nanowrimo July project by the end of July.  Today is the first peaceful day in weeks where we do not have a doctor's appointment, dilaysis, or diagnostic test scheduled.  Since those lovely mechanics decided to fuck us over royally and ruin our small car, we have only the motorhome as transportation.  Unhooking and packing the home takes about an hour, then drive a 5 ton vehicle to the appointment and trying to park it, drive it home and hook back up and unpack.  Due to his general weakness, the hubby helps as much as he can, but it is largely my responsibility.  It has been incredibly hot, over 100 degrees F most days, and this means that food in the refrigerator spoils rapidly since it is turned off for a few hours a day, and it is nearly impossible to get the home/vehicle comfortably cool with the air conditioner and fans off for several hours a day - often in the afternoon.  I am so glad, and so grateful for this big Dodge though - every single time I turn the key this baby STARTS.  And IF anything goes wrong - James or I have the knowledge to do the repairs ourselves, rather than get fucked over by theiving unscrupulous mechanics again.

They fucked us over, knowing well that my husband was disabled and, for a time, seriously ill.  Heartless bastards.

That said, a very kind man - who owned a used car lot - gave me more than the little car was worth to purchase it, even though it was clearly not running properly at the time, and included a ride back to where the motorhome was parked (the mechanics were letting me WALK back and forth several miles during the heat).  The cash was welcome, since staying in town has demolished our budget, not to mention needing to purchase the extremely high protein diet the husband must have to recover and do dialysis, and the constant purchase of medications.  We daily fall deeper into debt, unpaid bills, etc. and since his income clearly isn't going to change (unless Trump gets in and cuts it off completely) I don't know that we will ever recover financially.  At least we are not and never will be homeless as long as we have the Firefly!

It would certainly help if I could get a minute free now and then to do some writing and editing, and get a few top selling books out on Kindle :D As it is, I am at least making a buck or two on the Mechanical Turk.  I'd love to do some day labor - but of course, between daily doctors and his health, I really cannot work a full day anywhere ever.  We are hoping for improvement on that front, but until then -

I am writing a semi-silly serious fantasy about Fluffy Bunnies and rainbows and unicorns (actually the unicorns aren't in it yet - but might arrive today).  When that's done I have some things I want to work on on Wattpad that might bring me a reader or two, while I edit and groom some long finished works and try to get them published.  If anyone feels like donating editing I won't turn you down *wink*.

Part of my problem is I only have the Chromebook now, which does not read or work with word .doc files which is what all my books are in.  There's a bit of mechanics involved in getting the Chromebook to speak to the external harddrive that the books are on as well.  And, of course, the Chromebook doesn't have any kind of text editor I can use to convert for Kindle.  I desperately need a new computer, a real laptop.

Which brings us to a project I put up at FeedtheMuse.net months ago and have never been able to promote due to - well, RL issues you're well aware of.  If you would like to help us out - and a new laptop for me would go a long ways towards that - please donate, and/or share this widget on your pages.  The little fan reward is simply a bit of origami by me - a hobby of mine.


Spread the word! Copy and paste this code into your page to display the Feed The Muse widget.


A little help would go a long way for us now.  A little hope would go even further.  Hope that I can increase our income with my writing and my art.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Monday, June 20, 2016

Excessive Insane Frustrated Rant

WARNING!!!! RANT!!!!

I am so tired of this shit. Hubby was up all night the last three nights unable to breathe. Coughing until he vomits Can't see taking him to ER - they never do anything for it anyway except admit him and keep him three weeks - last time we were lucky to get out alive. Every day there is a new reason for the shortness of breath - since the treatment for the last reason made no difference in his misery. I got a new one today! He is short of breath because his heart rate is elevated!!!! You know - the same heart rate he has had for, oh, about 25 years that I know of? Yeah, now IT is the cause of the shortness of breatg. Or maybe its the anema they caused by dialysizing him every day. Oh, they did that because the shortness of breath was caused by not enough dialysis.

Three months now - and we still have the original complaint of shortness of breath - still not resolved. But we have lost our life, our lifestyle, his health, 25+ pounds on him, dropped his blood pressure and caused total (temporary thank goddess) kidney failure, ruined us financially, and left me begging friends for money.

And... he is still short of breath. Took him to the PCP for it today. She sent him for an X-ray and made a new appointment with the caridologist we saw last Friday who said James is fine to wait to September. You see, they can't do the heart treatment because he is now on hemodialysis because the hospital stay and first hospitalers mistake cost us the PD catheter. The cardiologist can't do anything until he has a fistula in, healed, and working - and then they will put him on anticlotting so that it will be another YEAR before he can have a new PD catheter. Do you suppose that at any point in this process they will resolve his lack of breath enough for him to sleep without having to be actually sitting up at a 90 degree angle? And cough - oh, take something over the counter. It doesn't work but who cares. So he vomits up his dinner every night. Hey, damn, he's anemic and malnourished! He can barely eat for coughing and lack of breath, and now lack of sleep, and he throws up whatever he ate last - hey doggie - maybe THAT is what is CAUSING the shortness of breath?

We started out with an otherwise perfectly healthy guy who got short of breath one day.

Now he's half dead - and the shortness of breath, untreated, uncared for, the cough he has had for three years, getting worse, unaddressed - but the cause is certainly this or that or the other problem that we never had until he went to the hospital for the first problem which they never treated and which is getting worse.

I see. Guess he has run out his available time - time for Medicaid care - that is, just enough to look like care while they wait and hope you die very soon. Probably because we won't let them all make their big fat kickback off a transplant. Is this revenge because we made the best of our time, had a good life, managed our money well enough so we could travel and enjoy life in spite of his health problems? I am beginning to think this is our punishment. How dare we have a good life. Don't we know we were supposed to sink like a stone and die after World Com fucked us over? Go lay down in abject poverty and drink ourselves to death years ago. Happiness is only for the 1% you dumb fucks!

And Trump isn't going to come down from the mountain and give you a billion bucks because you voted for him, stupid. And you think Hilary cares? Her and her millionaire friends on Wall Street? You younger people who think, oh but they deserve what they got, they didn't do this or that or the other. You wait - because someday you are going to be right here, moving into our ghetto when your company "goes bankrupt" or you finally figure out that you aren't going to make millions on the internet.

I may be a little tired. I haven't slept for three days because I lay awake and listen to my husband heave, cough, struggle for breath, vomit, cough, gasp and hope that in the morning he is still alive and breathing beside me. Doesn't make for a good nights sleep. Or any sleep. I'd take him to the ER, but then I'd get to sleep on the floor by his hospital bed and listen to him heave, gasp, choke for breath and cough and cough and cough until he vomits - and have them waking him up every hour for vitals, and acting like who the hell do we think we are if he wants something for the cough. So they dole out a teaspoon of something that doesn't work. They might turn on his oxygen on low, but barely because he doesn't need it. His oxygen saturation is fine, so I guess he is imagining this desperate need for air. Meanwhile they'll poison him with medications that are ineffective and have side effects worse than his illnesses, dialysize him I guess until he vanishes completely, then say he's anemic and pump other people's blood into him (I saw one of his worse attacks ever right after a dialysis treatment where they gave him two units of blood) - but that will cure the shortness of breath.

Kinda losing what little tiny bit of faith I had in the medical profession.

Pray for him my friends, pray. If I could find a witch doctor or a native american shaman I would take him. They can't do any worse than these unfeeling bastards.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

And The Beat Down Goes On

Since my last post the husband has been back to the hospital for another week and at this writing has been out for about one week.  He still has peritonitus.  We switched hospitals, and mercifully hav enot been threatened with his death for a few weeks.  We switched cardiologists and now have what seems to be a reasonable set of doctors who want us to address the repair of this issue before we jump into treatment for the heart condition.  The husband is currently at home - where he receives regular dialysis (something that never happens at hospitals), his correct medications at the correct time (also never happens in hospital) and even gets fed three times a day - food he is willing and able to eat.  There is hope he will actually get better - now that he is away from the killing floor that is the modern hospital.

Meanwhile, because of last month and this month our budget is in severe straits.  I must feed him a high protein restricted diet because of his dialysis and I must buy his medications, vitamins and supplements.  In order to stay in town near the doctors and clinics - particularly now that our car has been taken from us - I moved the Firefly to a RV park.  This means our "camping fees" will be $415 instead of $120 as budgeted.  I cannot leave him alone for a full day to do any day labor job.  I am on foot - or I have to make him sit up so I can unhook, drive, and then rehook up the Firefly for every little errand.  My bicycle needs two new tires to be useable.  I bought two at the bicycle shop - but guess what - they are the wrong size and had bubbles in them the first time I put air in them.  Another rip-off, and of course, since things are a wee bit disorganized, I lost the receipt.

In order to take care of him properly, I am simply not going to pay some of our bills.  It is likely I will lose my beloved kayak, as well as the use of my bike, as well as our car.  But I still have the hubby - so far.  It is impossible to say at this point if this peritonitus is going to clear up, or if it is going to require further hospital stays including possibly removing the peritoneal dialysis catheter and putting him on hemodialysis for a few months.

I hate to ask, but if it is at all possible for you to help us, please consider sending a donation to my Paypal account at sffoovayATgmail.com or I really need the tires for the bicycle so I will have a mode of transportation for errands, and possibly to work if he gets well enough for me to leave him alone all day;
the bike tires I need are here.  Of course you are already helping if you are a subscriber to one of my blogs, or buy my books or products on Zazzle and I cannot thank you enough for your continued support.

Maybe if we can get through a few more days without a crisis I will even be able to get started writing again.  However, when it rains, it pours - my desktop computer has frozen and will not work, so I am confined to what I can do on this Chromebook - which has basically no real programs to create and edit text.  Pretty much back to using a notebook and pen, checking spelling and grammer by hand - but then I grew up doing that, so I can do it.  However, it does not support any program that would allow me to upload a book for Kindle.  Yes, I need a new laptop as well.  I mentioned when it rains, it pours?

You got that list right?  We lost the car.  The bike needs tires.  The kayak is in storage, which is behind on payments.  My computer refuses to boot up.  And my husband is still very ill and no one knows what his future may hold at this time.  In order to stay in town near hospitals and doctors and clinics, the cost of an RV space makes it impossible for me to also buy food and pay all of the bills.  We do not qualify for any assistance here because "he gets so much money" (about $1000 a month), and because the government believes I need to go get a minimum wage job (if I can) rather than stay home and care for my husband.

Hard to believe a few weeks ago I believed there was hope, sunshine, happiness, a future including more books written and a trip to the Grand Canyon.

Well - it's still there, it might just take us a little longer to get to it.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Thursday, April 21, 2016

And Now We Return to your regularly scheduled programming...

I make plans, God laughs.


It has been almost exactly a month since my last blog post.  So much has happened and some things may or may not have changed since then.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know much of this story - but I will also recap it briefly here.

My husband had a shortness of breath on March 28th.  Because nothing is a small thing for a man on dialysis, we rushed him to the ER.  He was eventually diagnosed with heart failure.  The doctors threw him on a draconian change of diet and medications and took 15 pounds off him in three days then sent us home.  The next day we had a cloudy bag which indicates peritonitus.  We ran back to the ER, as trained by our dialysis clinic.

The next two weeks were merciless.  The massive and sudden changes had shocked his system into peritonitus - but God forbid a medical practitioner admit a mistake of any kind.  Instead he was treated for a non-existent infection.  The nurses and various doctors took turns running in and out of his room saying alternately - he is going home, and he is going to die.  The main issue was that we made our own decision to stop all the drugs the previous doctors prescribed - and he is doing much better now.  I took a man with a small problem to the ER and they made him violently ill - so much so that surgery and a switch from peritoneal dialysis to hemodialysis may now be necessary.  That is still up in the air, but we have persuaded them to hold off a decision and give him a chance to heal and recover from their last mistake before they go off wildly slicing and dicing and poisoning again.

Meanwhile, the dialysis clinic nurse thought this would be a good time to display what a complete incompetent she was, which caused a great deal of unnecessary misery, and about a weeks addition to his hospital stay.  On my complaint, he was changed to a different nurse - trained by the first incompetent, and easily as incompetent and a bigger liar.  We are extremely unhappy with his current lack of care and seriously considering relocating to a new state to get away from them.  Yes, that unhappy - this is beyond a quality of life issue.  A mistake by his dialysis nurse, or as happens now, failure to return an emergency phone call - can literally cause or contribute to his death.

Currently the only reason we are still here is Dr. Lucia Corro - who is the best nephrologist we have ever known and a true blessing to us in many ways.  A doctor who actually cares, who will take the time to listen and to answer questions and explain things - and even take your own opinions, wants and needs into consideration.  Yes, a true healer.  Too few of them here.

Meanwhile, the car - which has never run properly since being "fixed" took a powder.  Because we literally have no money, she went back to the original mechanics who fucked her up - because she is supposedly under warranty.  Naturally, it was a new problem (which they caused) and they wanted more money.  So.  Not. Happening.

I nursed her about two blocks to a used car dealership where the owner told me people should not do things like that and gave me a generous offer for a car that was barely running.  I took the money and ran.

Thank the Goddess for Firefly.  She starts.  She runs. She ran 70 miles at 75 mph, the last 20 on one tire that had no tread left, to get him to the ER.   I had her in the hospital parking lot for a week, running to her for dialysis supplies and other needs before learning they had a RV lot.  So she allowed us to live near the hospital for several more days after his release, as we waited for him to be well enough to move away.  And now she is our only vehicle - and yet far more dependable than the 2006 Chevy Aveo.  Better yet, if she has a problem, the hubby and I are both capable of diagnosing and repairing this old 1979 Dodge Sportsman. We are going to try and get her off the grid, which will allow us to live on even less money.  That may allow us - in a year or so - to save up enough to purchase another car or van that is also old enough for us to work on ourselves.  I've had it with computer chips and so called mechanics.

Since the dialysis clinic has made it clear we are on our own with no help from them - they won't even return phone calls now - we decided we may as well be someplace peaceful and happy while he recovers. We packed up the Firefly, stocked up for a week or so, and drove off.  This is not our favorite state park, but it is nearby and it is quiet and affordable for us at this time.

One way or another, many changes may be in the offing soon.  I will be filing a complaint about this dialysis clinic and I am extremely concerned that they are his only source of care at this time.  I wonder and worry what kind of care people who have no advocate are getting!  We can only wait and see if his peritoneum can heal enough from the medical assault to continue with peritoneal dialysis, which has worked so very well for him for years.  Oh yes, heart failure.  It is most likely caused by the kidney failure, as are so many things, but we will eventually consult a cardiologist and have testing done to find the specific cause.  We will not allow another clusterfuck - I'm not sure either of us could even survive another clusterfuck like this last one.  And despite having the best nephrologist on earth, we may have to move away from her to get away from this dialysis clinic now that it is run by a bunch of uncaring idiots who just want their paycheck.  I hate to do that, but we may have little or no other choice.  He has to have dialysis, and dialysis supplies to survive at all. (Don't think they don't know it - they just don't care)

Believe it or not, I've managed to do some writing, and a little reading - but not much else.  I usually manage writing, art, and even origami while he is in the hospital (I stay with him 24-7) but this time it seemed that every ten minutes someone was in the room, sometimes two or three people at once, asking idiotic questions or making threats of some kind.  Today I finally posted a new part for my ongoing mystery, Serendipity, at Wattpad as well as a blog post on the New Mexico Bird Watchers Notebook.  My plans for CampNano in April are in some disarray as you can imagine, but I am trying to pick up from here and at least continue to write and post daily - something, somewhere.

And then there is the lengthy complaint that has to be written out in detail and sent to the proper authorities...

Meanwhile, thank you, everyone who ever bought a book or story or item from my Zazzle stores.  Those pennies and nickels and dimes mean a lot to us, now and always.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Monday, March 21, 2016

Look Out Wattpad Here I Am

I am quite proud of myself today.

Of late it is all I can do to actually accomplish anything I plan with respect to writing or art.  Real life has been most insistent about taking up all my time.  I hate it when that happens.

Yesterday was Ostara, and so I spent most of it relaxing.  Which in my case usually means staring into space and thinking (when I wasn't doing my daily chores or decorating eggs).  Finally it is spring - and such a very typical spring type spring with chilly nights, and warm days with cold breezes that won't quit.  The winter seems to have lasted much longer than I expected this year - both in the way of cold weather, and in misfortunes.  You know how all our misfortunes tend to crowd into the winter.

Life is taking one last whack at us, but I have confidence that we will surmount that issue pretty soon.  Medicare once again is trying to say the hubby may have spontaneously grown a new set of kidneys and no longer needs medical care.  I handed that over to the dialysis clinic - since they like to be paid I'm sure they will be right on top of that issue with minimal stressing out on our part.

I joined Wattpad quite some time ago, but only lately have found the time to do some reading there.  There are some talented folks on the site if you are looking for some free reading material.  I feel like it might be a good spot to post some of my work, especially short stuff that won't make a decent novel for Kindle.

So today I published the first part of a short mystery story set in New Mexico, Serendipity.  I hope if you are a Wattpad reader you will be good enough to give it five minutes or so of your time.  The plan (that sound you hear is the gods laughing) is to put up a few shorts, mainly things that are already finished, for the rest of March.

In April I am signed up for Camp Nanowrimo.  What I would like to do is drag out and blow the dust off one of the oldest Nanonovels and edit and publish as I go along on Wattpad.  I'm hoping the readership over there will give me the impetus to actually finish something publishable this year.  I'll take all the help I can get.

Speaking of which, I also started a project over at Feed the Muse.  I guess I don't get a space over there to describe what I am trying to raise that $2000 for in detail - so I'll do it here and then give you the link - in case you are feeling generous.  Actually, now that I think about it, it would be better to devote one entire blog post exclusively to that project so I really can go into detail, and then use it as a link. For now, I'll simply add the widget to the side of the blog here.

Blessedbe and thanks for hanging in with me

Summer Foovay

Thursday, March 17, 2016

It is Positively Spring

Yes - finally a positive post!  Spring has sprung not only outdoors in the real world, but in here on the computer, too!

Outdoors I had the great pleasure of seeing for the very first time a baby jackrabbit.  He flat puzzled me for a minute as he loped across a clear space in my view.  He was round, fuzzy, and cute like our Desert Cottontail Rabbits - but he had the enormous ears of my beloved Black Tailed Jackrabbit.  And in his case, enormous is the only word for it - I think they were longer than his entire body!  Cute and awkward as a colt - all legs and ears in the case of the baby jackrabbit.  What a treat to see him!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, by the way.  Don't drink too much green beer.  I had a bit o' the irish in my coffee this morning and that will do for me.

Otherwise, I have spent the day working at the Mechanical Turk and loving every minute of it.

You may recall the whole long story of how HSBC suddenly "discovered" I was in Mexico when I gave them my new address this winter.  From there it was like dominoes falling as I closed that account, opened a new one here in NEW Mexico, and then Amazon refused to confirm it for Amazon Payments, although it is receiving my KDP and blog payments just fine.  I wrote and called and called and wrote and begged and screamed and used a lot of bad words but nothing worked and they would not confirm the bank account for Amazon payments.  This caused me to lose a dependable little stream of income - $20 or so a month.   Might not mean much to you - but to us it can be the difference between eating and going hungry.  Plus I can reach out and work no matter where I am and have the money appear in my bank account - which is perfect for our gypsy life style.

I tried to replace that with day labor jobs only to have my husband fall ill, the car break down, the RV develop problems - clearly this life needs me to glue it together.  On top of all that, I lost even the occasional jobs cleaning houses.

Desperate, I meditated and prayed and got the goofy idea to write Jeff Bezos.  At which time I did a little Googling and discovered that he tries to project an image of availability, and even has an email for anyone having an Amazon problem to contact him.  I admit, I figured it was bullshit, but what the hell, I tried everything else.

So I emailed Jeff Bezos asking for help in getting the Amazon payments account fixed.

And within a few days, one of his assistants wrote back that they had fixed it.  Done.  Poof. And apologized. I got email confirmation that day.  Worked my butt off at the Turk the next day and the day after, and then, holding my breath, I transferred the first money to the Amazon Payments account in three months - and from there to my no longer quite so new bank account.

And this morning - it showed up at my bank.  I've been doing a happy dance ever since - when I'm not nailed to the computer doing little Mechanical Turk jobs and thanking all the powers that be for the opportunity.

Thank you Mr. Jeff Bezos, and your assistant, and all the good folks who post jobs at the Mechanical Turk.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

A little advice and rant

Word of advice: NEVER EVER clean house for someone else. From that point on you are "the help" - someone of a lower social class. You will be expected to do the most awful work of toilets and ceilings and walls and do it for $2 or $3 an hour and be GRATEFUL for this PITTANCE - Pittance = PITY You see they are doing YOU a FAVOR to LET you scrub the toilet for money. So you know what? Let them scrub their own fucking toilet and I will go to Day Labor or a temp agency and get at least minimum wage without having to fight for it and be made to feel inferior.

Believe it or not, I clean house for older people because I feel I am doing them a SERVICE to do the harder things they are no longer able to do. I am actually HAPPY to feel that I am helping you out.  

However, I do expect to be paid a reasonable amount for the nasty, hard work I do. I certainly do not expect to have to BEG to be PAID ANYTHING and have you come off with an attitude.

I could be at home caring for my husbands needs, cleaning my own house, writing and drawing.


It may not pay as much as I would like and feel I deserve, but my writing and my art are more important to me than your toilet. If you are not going to pay me, then I may as well be home working on something I am passionate about and that I do believe in. If you are going to make me feel inferior and dirty and awful as I beg you to pay me - then you can do your own bathroom. And pay for my novels and coloring books and other products down the road.

Is it so much to ask?

All in all, it says something about how people in this society view "the help", doesn't it?  

Our society would like to put down anyone who isn't of a certain income level as worthless, lazy, somehow to blame for their income.  How many times do you have to read that people with Masters degrees and PhDs are working as janitors?  When will you learn that someone who is working as a maid is doing so in order to send their own children through college or so they can be home more to care for a disabled child or adult family member?  

I know, we have to be ugly to those "below us" to assure ourselves that we would never end up there because we are doing everything "right".  

Boy, are you in for a surprise.

Karma works.

And if your life is so sterile and without love that you have to judge and make yourself better by putting others down, then be aware that those of us you are putting down are shaking our heads at you in pity.  I'm sorry you are so cold that there is no family member or friend who wants to be with you, who will step up and gladly clean your home for you.  No one who loves you and cares about you enough to help you.

My husband is loved and will never have to worry about it as long as I am alive.  But, of course, that does mean that in order to be here for him I have to take lower paying, temporary, odd jobs.  But we have love and comfort and the assurance that we will be here for each other, always. Put me down all you want because I come home to a place full of warmth and happiness and love - leaving you there in your dirty, lonely home - however nice it may be.  

You have money and possessions.  I have love, passion, and self respect.  I made my decision about which I would rather have a long, long time ago.

Blessedbe

Summer Foovay