Thursday, December 1, 2016

Wave bye bye to the nice #Nanowrimo2016

Well, I tried.  Poor Ming's cat tale of woe stalled out at 18,201 words.  That, at least, is finally an accurate count because I did spend a day gathering all the bits and bobs from the cloud and typing in the chapters that were handwritten in the notebook.  Because I originally set other WIP projects aside to work on something fresh for Nanowrimo, I find it fair that I now set Ming aside to return to those projects.

I am quite excited to start moving the current projects into Shaxpir.  Some of my WIP that were considered for Nano are literally scattered over several notebooks.  The WIP I set aside I believe will benefit considerably from being brought into Shaxpir for organizing and editing and rewriting.

So here is what I hope to accomplish in December.  Some of ongoing, some of it for this month.

Looking back, I see many months this year had only one entry in this blog.  And without even looking I can be pretty sure it is a rant about some quack or quirk of the medical system and their ongoing effort to kill my husband.  Man, it's been a hella year.  So one thing I would like to do is post here about six to eight times this month, and let them finally be posts about progress and writing and other interesting things.  

I have concluded I rather like the Wattpad platform, and I will be finally finishing the first story arc for Serendipity there (a lightish animal lovers New Mexico based mystery series).  I will be continuing my bloggish essays for A Mile In My Moccassins.  And I am still playing with the idea of another series or two I may publish at Wattpad.  I don't know if it will really help that much as far as book sales.  My attitude about - I write for a living, why on earth would I give away my writing - has adjusted.  Because of my Reiki studies, partially.  Among other things.  I don't know really how to explain it, so I'm not going to try right now.  Maybe later.

Much of my time vanishes into reading, gaming, anime, drawing, and of course studies (Reiki, Japanese, Origami) and now that I live literally a few blogs from a bead shop it is almost inevitable that I will soon be beading again as well.  It would be nice if I could find a good outlet to sell some of my crafts that isn't more trouble than the few pennies I profit is worth.

Speaking of pennies, I still work at the Mechanical Turk, too, of course. I try to make about a dollar a day there, which can take anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours. Pathetic, I know, but then it actually comes to more per month than my Kindle sales!  I really truly cannot leave my husband alone, or be unavailable to him, for any period of time now - so it is what it is.

I'd really like to increase my Kindle income to a point that I could conceivably live on it if I had to.  I don't need much.  And it would help us replace and repair some of the many material things that went to hell this year.

My current WIP include: a complete rewrite for the third book in the Blue Dragonfly series, the ongoing edit/rewrite of A Coyote, A Tanuki, and a Kitsune, and a non-fiction book about peritoneal dialysis for laymen and the many, many, many medical professionals who don't know a thing about it.  It needs a couple of sections added, a fact check, and rewrite and edit.

I continue to write for the Jigsaw Puzzles blog as articles come available (mostly its newsy these days), as well as the Bird Watchers Notebook - New Mexico.  Hopefully all of my blogs will get a bit more attention this month, and into next year.

Meanwhile on the personal front, the husband is improving and recovering slowly but surely.  The cardiologist has surgery he wants to do once dialysis is going well, as does the hematologist/oncologist.  Dialysis is going better, although it is still a bit short of the standard.  All we can do is wait while this fistula finishes maturing - in spite of the fact that it has been forced into being in use early.  And hope we can manage to keep him out of the hospital and away from the hospitaler doctors.  A few PCPs that do rounds at the hospital were suggested to me, but after I did some research on them and spoke to their offices, we concluded they were as bad or worse than the hospitalers provided to us.  The best we could hope for would be neglect.  So - let's just hope and pray and affirm that we're going to keep him out of the hospital altogether.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for caring.  Have a good holiday season.


Summer Foovay

Friday, November 18, 2016

Nanowrimo2016 Shaxpir and all that jazz

 I am, I am, I am still writing on Nanowrimo 2016 novel, now temtatively titled (on my Shaxpir) Ming, the Kinky Tailed Cat.  To tell the truth, I can't tell you EXACTLY how many words are in the novel because it's partially in Shaxpir, partially on my Google Drive, and partially handwritten in the notebook you see me holding down there.  But I will admit I am well behind the goal, no matter how you count words.  At this point I have to admit I am fairly sure it isn't going to hit 50K or be finished by the end of November.  It will no doubt be set aside with the million other WIP, which is where it came out of anyway.  December I want to jump into the rewrite of the third book of the Blue Dragonfly series, as well as finishing up Serendipity on Wattpad, and the first draft edit on Nanowrimo 2014 (A Coyote, A Kitsune, and a Tanuki) and a few other projects I'd like to finish and publish, either on Kindle or Wattpad.
And in case that wasn't enough to keep me busy, I have started a winter project.  In case you don't know me that well, some years ago I started choosing some project or other - something new I want to learn - to engage my brain over the cold, closed in winter months.  This year with all the transition going on, I had decided I wanted to simply work on improving previous projects - learning Japanese, and practicing some more advanced Origami.  I was tossing around another idea or two, though, of course.  Then I ran onto an opportunity to learn Reiki at a price I could afford.  With high hopes that I will be able to improve the husbands health, and at least reduce some of his pain (since we cannot afford to get pain medication for his arthritis) I purchased the course and have started on it.  I am really glad that I did, because I think it is making significant improvements in my inner life, at the very least, and therefore probably in everyone's outer life around here.  Hubby says, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Oh yeah, I meant to also mention that I downloaded and have been using Shaxpir on my Nanowrimo novel.  I have fallen in love with it, because it lets me write the way I write, especially on WIP.  I can jump in, write a scene, or make a quick note of an idea, without any hassle or having it take longer to wrestle the software than to jot the idea in a notebook.  Speaking of notebooks (and I have about six right now with notes in them) Shaxpir lets you create a notebook for each novel with jottings of idea, info, websites, whatever.  Again, really works with my dart here, dart there, style of research and thinking.  This software simply suits me perfectly.  In December I plan to sit down and put the current WIPs into it, to finish, rewrite, and edit.  And then the ones after that, and the ones after that.  I think after many years, and many notebooks and softwares I've found the one for me.  I haven't gone to the website or browsed the forums or any of the rest of it.  Haven't tried the conversion to ebook function yet.  But as far as it goes, this is my review so far and I do recommend Shaxpir if you've got a pinball machine for a brain like I do.

It's time for us to get our shit together, disconnect the RV, and take him over to the dialysis clinic.  These photos of me in the dark - that's me working while he is having dialysis.  I have this little wonder LED light I charge all day so I can see to work in the RV after dark.  The hubby sat down and did some work on the Chromebook today so MAYBE it will concede to not only let me write, but will actually SAVE my writing (so far it's simply eaten 5 or 6000 words because it gets pouty when it doesn't have Internet).  And if it goes haywire or runs out of charge - I have my trusty little kitty notebook and some pretty pens.  Ain't nuthin gonna stop me.


Summer Foovay

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Turn the Page

Bob Seger's Turn The Page is one of my all time favorite songs.  I've done a bit of traveling and working myself and I am familiar with that sense of being alone in a crowd.  
That said, I also believe that there are times in your life when you need to turn the page and move on.  Some people find that suspicious for some reason.  Others think I never do it soon enough.  Good thing I don't live for anyone's approval but my own.  Growing up with no approval, ever, from the ones who should love and encourage you will do that.  You grow up knowing you'll never be able to make anyone else happy with you - so you don't try to.  
2016 has been a pretty horrible year for us.  Truly one of the worst since my hubby and I have been together.  But there are signs of hope now.  A glimpse or two of daylight coming our way.  There have been some very major changes, but we are adjusting.  Transitions are always rocky roads to travel.  Some more than others.  
We are starting to talk about the future.  The next few months, the new few years.  We are winnowing away the emotions and keeping the lessons learned.  Although we have lost quite a few things from material things to health to friendships this year - we have not lost our dreams.  They have simply endured a bit of adjustment.  Instead of settling down in five years or so - we will be settling down temporarily where we are at.  And then doing a little more traveling, we hope, to find a new place we love to settle and buy land.  We have always dreamed of our own self sufficient little farm when we were ready to settle down.  That time seems to be now, rather than five years or more into the future as we had planned.
But then, we make plans and the gods laugh.
Because of new higher expenses, I really need to increase my income from my kindle publications, so forgive me if I get a little self-promoting for a bit.  We need the money if we are to have the life we deserve and desire.  I don't think we ask for much - but right now we are barely able to afford survival.  That needs to change.  
Thanks for hanging in there and reading my words.  I hope once in a while I say something that gives you joy, happiness, or even contains a nugget of wisdom.  
(Cross posted on Wattpad)

Wednesday, November 2, 2016


The latest clinic fiasco landed the husband back in the hospital yesterday.  They drew 2.2 liters of fluid off his lungs today.  And did dialysis.  The good news is they did an ultrasound and the fistula is fine, and the clot is shrinking.  The only problem with the fistula is it is immature, small and not ready to run at full tilt boogie so some tech can get home a little earlier.  He had dialysis in the hospital today and it worked fine - slower with a smaller needle but fine.

We did have a knock down drag out with another hospitaler doctor who wanted to leap into massive immediate intervention on the heart failure.  Informed her we were still trying to recover from the last massive immediate (and unnecessary) intervention six months ago.  She didn't want to take no for an answer.  The hospitaler - a general MD who has known him two days, say 30 minutes at most, and clearly has not even read through his records, wants to force us to have cardiology care our cardiologist says is not necessary and that we know  from bitter experience causes my husband severe harm. 

We had seen the hubby's own cardiologist the day before  and he told us he has a plan and wanted to wait a little bit longer to make sure dialysis was going well before implementing it.  He gets it.

Hubby MIGHT have a heart attack, although it is very unlikely.

Hubby WILL die without dialysis.

The unnecessary cardiology treatment WILL make it impossible for hubby to have dialysis. This is not a "maybe" we KNOW this from bitter miserable experience.

What is hard to understand here?

The hospitaler after an argument that eventually had us shouting at her and the nurse she brought in to help her bully us left shaking her head over how we are willing to risk a slight possibility of heart attack (which apparently is so minimal his own cardiologist is not worried about it) just because we want him to be able to have dialysis (that is - live).

She accused us of risking his life - to convince us, really almost trying to force us, to do something that we KNOW FOR A FACT RISKS HIS LIFE and is UNNECESSARY 


bottom line: He's better.  The anitcoagulant is working.  The fistula is fine.  Talking about sending us home tomorrow!

But before we had that talk...I had to get out of the room so they could do dialysis earlier today.

You know that family and caretakers disturb the etheric vibes that make magic dialysis machines work so they have to get at least a mile away from the patient before the techs can do dialysis.  AHEM.  (You know those cutsey poo pics of the grandchildren gamboling on the bed while grandma smiles and gets her dialysis?  Total bullshit) 

I used to assist with his peritoneal dialysis but now I can't even be in the same room with the hemodialysis machine.  


I took a walk up to a store and bribed myself shamelessly for #Nanowrimo.  I bought a new notebook with a screaming cat on the front (it's a cat story).  New gel pens, nice thick ones with soft pads for old arthritic knuckles like mine.  And a bag of my favorite fancy cookies that I never buy for myself because they're pricey.

Once all the doctors and nurses and techs were done running in and out and poking and prodding and arguing and threatening and my poor husband dozed off I managed to write 1800 words more or less,  I counted the words on 3 pages, averaged it, multiplied that to the 18 pages done. Written in my increasingly sloppy and arthritic longhand.  I hope I can read them later!  But at least I did get started.  Mostly sort of prologue, I think.  Still have a few prep things I want to do like research some cat trivia to make sure I have it correct and make a list of things that can happen, and maybe even (try not to die of shock) plot.  I mean, really, like written out and stuff.  I'm a hard core pantser but I'm also prone to great starts, slower middles, no endings...I'd like to actually finish a few things this year. Never mind editing I never do because I see the need for a massive rewrite (no plot) and faint.

With any luck, sometime tomorrow we will be home and I can write on a real computer for the rest of the month in between some more doctors appointments, dialysis, some medical and real life research, and some decision making we need to be doing. Now that the hubby is feeling better we can consider some alternatives now and we need to because it is becoming increasingly clear that some of the care he is receiving is doing more harm than good. And we are going to talk to the cardiologist about moving up his planned timetable.  Not because hubby needs it - but because we've got to get these hospitaler idiots off our backs.  The most stressful part of this whole stay has been the argument over treatment he does not want or need from someone who is not qualified to provide it.

(Don't these people take some sort of oath - first, do no harm? No, wait, maybe that's the Wiccan Rede, An Ye Harm None...guess they don't honor that one either)

Monday, October 31, 2016

Obviously it is ALL OUR FAULT

Happy Halloween - we got a trick. I've been mad so long that the whole situation is funny, in a macabre sort of way.

So 30 minutes into James' dialysis tonight I text him "u ok" because I can see him in the window and he looks furious. He texts back that he is in pain, the alarm on the machine has been going off continuously for 30 minutes, and they are trying to run the machine faster than the new, unmatured fistula is able to go. I ring the bell at the door and ask for MJ, the supervisor. A nurse answers, says she will get MJ. I wait 30 minutes. The nurse returns and says MJ is on the phone. I tell her they are running the machine too fast, she tells me no, it's by doctors orders. They never do it wrong. I already happen to know this is a total lie. James Moore is one of their last patients and they have repeatedly cut his treatments short so they can leave. As a results his Kt/V is now very low (he is not getting good dialysis). I wait another 30 minutes. James and I text a few times and in fear that the fistula will be damaged, he tells them to stop his treatment and let him go home. No fistula = no dialysis = death in about a week to ten days. Maybe sooner with the heart failure now. However, they have already given him heparin so he won't clot their machine, plus he is now on an anticoagulant - so they can't get him to stop bleeding once he is off the machine. MJ finally comes into the office and sees I am in the waiting room. She smiles and asks if I am still mad.

No. Really.

I ask her what is going on and she tells me that they would NEVER EVER run a machine too fast (ROFLMAO) and that they were using the right size needle and running it at 350 which it would do last week, but now it will not even run at 250 so they just don't know what to do. (Admit the access is failing and needs to be fixed or replaced? NOOOOOO Not that!) She can't understand why James is so angry. I mention he was in a bad mood when he came in because he wanted to go to the bathroom before a four hour non-stop treatment. When he went to the bathroom in the waiting room there was no toilet paper. When he went to the bathroom in the treatment area it was covered in shit and he adamantly refused to use it. This, by the way, is typical in this clinic. Filthy bathrooms with no toilet paper. In the treatment area. A filthy sink he is expected to wash his fistula in so they can see he cleaned it!!!! FILTHY. But I mention he and I had also had an argument earlier in the day - you see, he is getting bad dialysis and he is toxic, and we are out of food, money, and his Pepsi. So then it was ALL MY FAULT because we argued and he was in a bad mood.

The fistula is failing because we had a martial spat.

Then it was our fault because he is a PEPSI ADDICT. Emphasis on ADDICT. The fistula is failing because he is an ADDICT.
(Ignoring their own sure knowledge that he has previously quit Pepsi several times, each time proving that it makes no difference in his blood phosphorus levels - and that clearly it is not an ADDIC TION).

So he gets out and I ask for a print out of the treatment. 30 minutes later I finally gave up and left without it since no one would answer rings at the door, and no one was in the office. Medical clinics really don't like to give you print outs they know you can read and point out THEIR FUCKING MISTAKES.

Now what do I do? He can't have dialysis. I cannot call his kidney doctor because now all communication with her has to be through the dialysis clinic (this is a rule). They said they called her and he should limit his fluids.

Yes, care for End Stage Renal Disease by limiting his fluid. I have to wonder what they told her? Surely not that the fistula HAS FAILED and HE NO LONGER HAS AN ACCESS FOR DIALYSIS because, I dunno, she might have asked for some tests or called the surgeon?

No, we're told to come back Wednesday for his regular treatment.

HOW HOW HOW are they going to do that, since they are telling me the FISTULA IS NOT WORKING?

So, I am not allowed to call the kidney doctor. The clinic says it is my fault (of course). Now what do I do? He has no dialysis access and I cannot contact anyone who can order any kind of tests or examination or some sort of new access.

In a few days he'll fail and be back in hospital and you know what they will say then. ITS OUR FAULT FOR NOT GOING TO HIS DIALYSIS TREATMENT.

I don't understand what the point is of crippling along with poor or no access until he is near death. We have been going through that ONCE A MONTH if not more often all year. They know the access is bad, but instead of addressing that they give him a poor treatment, tell him to limit fluids, and send him home. They give him progressively worse dialysis until either they cannot get the access to work at all - or he ends up in the hospital with fluid on his lungs and you know the VERY FIRST THING we are accused of - is not going to his treatments.



But it is always the FIRST thing we are accuesd of - it is OUR FAULT he doesn't get dialysis.

Maybe I am still mad. After all, they sent him home with basically no dialysis. He may die in the next few days.

But it will be OUR FAULT.

Because THEY never make a mistake.  NEVER.  EVER.  So it must be OUR FAULT.

We don’t cannulate the fistula.  We don’t’ run the machine.  We do everything they tell us to do exactly as we are told to do it. But if anything goes wrong, obviously it is OUR FAULT.

At some point mother fuckers it has to be YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING FAULT.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

#Nanowrimo - I changed my mind

I love morning glories.  They are one of my all time favorite flowers.  I found this beauty growing bravely out of a pile of discarded tree trimmings down the alley from my home.  It reminded me that even when things seem dead and destroyed - there is beauty and hope.

A reminder I really needed this year.

With that said - the top news is the husband has had several good dialysis treatments.  His blood pressure is staying up and the fistula is working well.  We've knocked out most of the follow up doctors appointments and (knock on wood) he has managed to stay out of the hospital for 30 days in a row so far.  I'm shooting for one whole calendar month with no hospital days now.

Did you wonder what happened to the #PoweredbyIndie campaign?  I got to wondering if it was doing me any good to use the hashtag and make little posts at Facebook and Twitter, so I went to look at my book sales.  Hot diggity!  A spike!  I dug down to find out which book has been selling.  It's this one:

Something with no mention, no advertising, and under my pen name at that!  So after I picked myself up off the floor from laughing I quit bothering with that particular little campaign. 

Now for #Nanowrimo.  Yes, I changed my mind.  I've never done fanfic for various reasons.  One of them is that there isn't any money or potential money in it.  Sure, I might get some fans, but I'm not even sure that would transfer to people who would buy my books on Amazon.  It worked for housewife porn, but I don't really write porn any more - by choice.  

But another part of the decision was this.  Moving from the old computer to the new(er) one brought home again how many works in progress I have floating around here - from a single line with a bright idea saved in notepad, to 30,000 words or more lacking a proper ending or in need of editing.  (I hate to edit) Do I really want yet another new WIP plopped onto the computer to stew for five or six years or more?  

So I've decided to grab one of those WIP - one that is little more than bits and snatches of ideas, dialogue, good intentions and in one or two cases something resembling a plot - and make it my Nanowrimo novel.  As much as I've read about people who are working up plots, doing up character sketches and other small prep tasks for Nanowrimo novels, I figure this clearly doesn't count as using a prior novel and believe me, I have plenty of WIP that are little more than that.  

In fact, I have a big loose leaf notebook with four WIP done largely in long hand during last winter when for a time I did not have a working computer available.  So I am leaning towards one of those's a biggie...the next book in the Hunters of Men series, which exists almost entirely in my head at this point.  I've had a couple stabs at it and get depressed and quit.  It's a big job.  But maybe if I can tempt a Nano friend or two into word sprints I'll get it well started enough to force myself through.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to finish up Serendipity over at Wattpad.  It has about two chapters to go.  I have to admit though, I'm enjoying it and can see how it could easily go on and on and...  so maybe it will.  And I think I finally have solved the doldrums the third book of the Blue Dragonfly series is in.  At last, a plot!  I've got a week to rewrite and finish that baby and then I hope to publish and maybe even spring for some advertising.  The first book in the series has five unsolicited five star ratings - surely that counts for something?  Maybe it will give me a chance against people with more money to spend to buy reviews and awards and publicity?  I can but hope.  (Looks up at the morning glory...)


Summer Foovay 

Sunday, October 16, 2016

#PoweredbyIndie and #Nanowrimo

One of the great things about being #PoweredbyIndie is I can easily publish my #Nanowrimo novels for free.  At the moment, I have two #Nanowrimo novels that are now available on the Kindle:

Moving On is my first Nanowrimo novel, although hardly my first novel. It is the first that survived me and my mental blocks to be written, edited, and finally published! Like most first novels it is vaguely autobiographical - pretty vaguely though. It was more of a platform for me to turn lose of a few rants and pet peeves as well as to celebrate my love of kayaking and nature. As such, I really haven't written anything like it since - but I probably will eventually.

  Bloodline was a massive project of a serial killer novel. It was intended to be the first of a major saga about this family who is more or less attempting to breed themselves as a superior human - the human predator to our human sheep. It got a really vicious review - by someone who has written a number of very nasty reviews of anything that isn't housewife porn - but it disenheartened me and I haven't returned to the series since. I, personally think it has a ton of potential, but writing it was a chore. I have enough work in my life right now, so I've been mainly writing sort of fun (for me) stuff like the light mystery Serendipity over at Wattpad.

There are a number of other #Nanowrimo novels in various stages of finishing and editing that I hope will make it out to the world someday.  Of late I've been sticking with the 'keeping it light' theme and writing a lot of work based on the amusing bits of life in New Mexico, and inspired by my love of anime.

And with that, I have decided this year for #Nanowrimo to do something I have never ever done before.  I am going to write fanfic for one of my favorite animes.  You have no idea how scared I am.

Now if I could just decide which one.  Natsume Shou Jin Cho?  Silver Spoon?  My Interesting Life?  Mushi-shi? The Morose Mononokean?  XXXholic?  Hozuki no Reitetsu?  Most of those are very episodic, so they would make a very easy #Nanowrimo project.  I could pretty much work my way through the dares thread and come up with one little story after another for them.  Of course, as far as publication they are a zero.  Probably if I like it they will go up on Wattpad or maybe a fanfic site.  Still, it is something new, something fun and something pretty easy.  I've had more than enough uphill and against the wind days this year!

Speaking of which, the hubby is out of the hospital.  He spent about a week, as usual, but for once he was actually not critically ill beyond the first few days.  Everyone simply took advantage of the fact that he was off the anticoagulants (the first set of which was not working - as he did clot the fistula but they did manage to save it) to do this and that and the other invasive testing.  The end result is that the fistula is now working for his hemodialysis treatments (so far) thus we don't have any more of that once a week surgery excitement when he clots off a permacath.  The cardiologist got to do their angiogram and discovered his coronary arteries and veins - in their words - look great!  The heart valve is still very leaky (working at 20% of a possible 60%) but it has been decided to try and control the heart condition with drugs only at this time.  We had another try at a heart drug that once again dropped his blood pressure into the basement.  As always, this made him feel awful, as well as endangered the fistula, what's left of his kidneys, and makes it near impossible for him to have dialysis.  So we are off that drug and he is slowly recovering some blood pressure.  All in all, he is actually feeling pretty good now.  Walking again, doing little projects to the motor home, and generally enjoying life.  We are scheduled for a dozen follow up doctor's appointments but we hope mainly to take it easy, get him stabilized and maybe get to stay out of the hospital and develop a little life and routine again over the next few months.  I had to look up the dates this month - you realize he has been in the hospital for at least a day, more commonly a week or two, every single month this year since March? Poor guy.

Most of the time we have very little or no Internet.  There is something in this location that cuts down the bandwidth and speed on our Verizon 3G Wifi to slower than dial up.  It is purely the location, as when he takes it to the clinic and uses it during his dialysis treatment, it has great speed.  We love our new location though - and it is much more affordable so far.  We tried to have a regular Internet cable put in and was told they could not service it because we do move the motor home almost daily between dialysis and follow up doctors appointments.  So to get good Internet again - we need to buy a car!  This may take a little while!  So if you aren't seeing me on line very often, this is the reason.

As always, doing the best we can with what we've got.  And you know - I don't actually need Internet to write or draw...although I do need it to share it with you, dear readers. I'm sure I'll find a way ;)


Summer Foovay